The Honorable Premier Ashley MacIssac??

A few months ago, I received an invitation to join a Facebook group called, "Make Cape Breton Canada's 11th Province!"....oh how cute, I thought....and I joined. Up until a few weeks ago, I thought it was a joke, a group probably started by some half-drunk political science student from UCCB (before you harp, yes, I know it goes by UCB now, but it will always be UCCB to most of us). But it's not a joke or a statement or a prank...it's an actual movement.

If you mosie on over to www.provinceofcapebreton.com , you'll find a plethora of information about this movement. The guy behind it is named Mark Macneill, a man from Mabou. This guy is no crackerjack dreamer; I have exchanged emails with him, and he comes across as a very intelligent man with a purpose and, more importantly, a plan. He is passionate about this provincehood movement, and has the facts, history, and vision to back it up. I had planned on writing with a summary and opinions and details, but I wouldn't even know where to begin, having tried several times. You are best left to log into the website and read for yourself.

It did get me thinking though, about the ramifications of this potential map alteration. What would Cape Breton really be like if we were, finally, our own province?

It's a running joke that mainland Nova Scotia is just a body of land off the coast of Cape Breton. Cape Bretoners are loud and proud and unique, a fact understood and accepted throughout Canada, and well documented to boot. My brother, before he left to go out west, had a huge "CAPE BRETONER FOR LIFE" tattoo emblazoned on his forearm, just to be sure everyone knew his mindset (what a patriot, I guess?). God help the person who would venture into Smooth Hermans and start a rant about how Halifax is a great city to represent Nova Scotia, or that Cape Breton is a back-woods kind of place. I'm not sure that person would make it out of the bar, or the island, alive.

Still in all, for the sake of humour, I'll continue. Caution to those Cape Bretoners who can't take a joke: you might want to stop reading now.

So let's say we did earn the title of Canada's 11th province...what next? First things first, it's Cape Breton....we'd have a HUGE party to celebrate. Yipee! Centre 200 jam packed with camoflage ski-doo suits as far as the eye can see. There would have to be an open bar (oh no, first day as it's own province and we've already accumulated a $4 million dollar deficit), and karaoke with Phil Kasouf. At the end of the night, the people who aren't fighting or smoking outside would see the unveiling of our provincial flag - Cape Breton tartan with a big Alexander Keith's symbol in the middle. Before the crowd dispersed, we could all join in with the Barra MacNeils and sing our national anthem...."We are an island, a rock in the stream, we are a people...."...c'mon, you know the words! What a great night that would be.

I guess we'd need a Premier before long. Rodney MacDonald might seem like the logical choice, being a homegrown boy himself, but he's in business on the mainland now. In a perfect world, it would come down to Ashley MacIsaac and Nash Brogan, wouldn't I just love to see that voting ballot. Whoever got the job, they could set up the Premier's office at UCB, and give free tuition to any student who could beat them in a drinking game. A sitting of the legislature could take place at Steel City, where all the ministers could take turns on the poker machines during the downtime. Randy MacDonald & Bob MacEachern could do a media scrum outside afterwards, and the Cape Breton post could cover all the action in print. I can see the headline now: "First CB Legislature Sits Over Potato Skins & Cheap Bar Shots".

Joe MacPhee could be the Sultan of St. Peter's, where Breakin' Tradition t-shirts would be mandatory attire to gain admission into the Lion's Hall dances.

Gordie Sampson could be Ambassador to Nashville.

Cape Breton Correction Centre, instead of throwing people in solitary confinement, would punish prisoners by playing Natalie MacMaster albums on a loop and making them eat fried mackrel.

The Summertime Revue could return to headline a concert at the Savoy Theatre, benefitting the Citizens Against Strip Mining and Christmas Daddies, respectively.

Cape Breton Regional Police would become the provincial police force, and God help us all.

Rita's Tea Room would be declared a Provincial Historic Site, as would the Blue Mist in Bras D'Or, The Carriage House in Port Hawkesbury, and the house that the Rankin Family grew up in.

Anyone born at St. Martha's in Antigonish instead of St. Rita's in Sydney would need immigration status.

All road signs would be posted in English, French, Gaelic, and MicMac, making it just as difficult as ever for a person to figure out where in the hell Forchu is at.

Oh, how I could go on and on and on.

But I won't.

I sincerely hope that Mr. Macneill finds success, although I'm still up in the air as to whether Cape Breton Island as its own province would be a viable prospect. Whatever your opinion, one thing is for sure: it has lots of potential to be the most interesting province, by a mile.