Retail Therapy

I'm stranded in the purgatory of "in between" sizing. You know, when regular sizes are just a bit too tight and plus sizes are always miles too big.

Shopping for clothes is tough for people of all sizes, from what I understand. (That's not true; I can't recall ever hearing my size 0-6 lady friends complaining about lack of options or incorrect sizing. I'm just trying to be inclusive here.) (And yes, there are people in the world who are size 0, for those who might be wondering. They're a bit like unicorns in these parts, but Halifax is full of them.)

Anyhow, back to the point. Shopping for clothes when you're overweight is the most frustrating thing in the world. You know what you want to look like. You know what type of clothes to look for, and what type to avoid. You might even walk into a store with a certain amount of confidence: "I have money, I can buy anything in the store, and today I'm going to find something that looks great on me!"

Forty-five minutes of trying on clothes, sucking in, sweating, throwing pants, cursing, snapping at the poor sales clerk who's trying to help you, getting red in the face, and perhaps even a few angry tears later, you leave the store with three pairs of sale underwear and a scarf you'll never wear.

How does that sound, size 0-6 girls? Believe it.

I've gone through this song and dance too many times to count. Sometimes you'll even find an outfit that fits great, only to look in those unforgiving mirrors and see an image that's about 50 pounds heavier than what you just pictured. "But wait a minute," you think, "this is NOT how it looked on the mannequin." FYI - that's because stores put size 22 clothes on size 8 mannequins and discreetly gather the access fabric in the back, to make you think that's how it'll look on you. It won't.

What clothing manufacturers should (but apparently don't) realize, is that there are an entire subset of curvy, fashionable women who fall between the slim fit duds in regular sizes and the shapeless, plus size fare. Why would they ignore us when the national average dress size is 14? And, if they're going to spend less time constructing clothes that fit us properly, why still would they assume we want to dress like Bea Arthur? I'm only 30 - I want a dress, not a mu-mu!

Are there any aspiring clothing designers reading this? You know, someone who can make retail therapy something I do instead of something I need? Probably not, but I'll vent anyway.

Among other things, I need to buy a shirt. This shirt needs to fit over my larger-than-Kate-Moss-but-smaller-than-Kirsty-Alley-sized body.

I do not want this shirt to cling to me so snugly that it looks painted on, nor do I want the sleeves to be tight enough that they cut off blood circulation to my arms. Also, notice how I made specific use of the word "shirt" as opposed to "crop top", in an effort to express my desire for a garment that will cover my entire abdomen and lower back, even when I bend slightly at the waist or lift my arms.

Now, let's clarify for the other camp.

I do not want this shirt to hang off me like a Sam Moon costume, nor do I want the sleeve openings to be big enough for me to fit my head through. Also, notice my intentional use of the word "shirt" as opposed to "dress", in an effort to express my desire for a garment that will cover my abdomen, not my thighs and knees. While I'm at it, I should also mention the deal-breaker: it can't be purple, teal green, or pink.

While I'm at it, I'm looking for pants, too. Not elastic waisted slacks with pleats like Jane Fonda wears, a pair of jeans. Denim ones. Blue denim, not white or black. These elusive pants will fit me in the seat, hips, legs AND waist - though I might die of shock if that actually happened. They will not have studs, Bedazzle jewels, embroidery of any kind, or a neon, screen-printed "COOL!" logo running down the thigh.

Just a few more gripes of note: We hate polyester. At no time do we have the desire to buy a jeanskirt longer than a prom dress. And cotton Betty Boop/Care Bears nightshirts do not equal lingerie.

Is anyone out there feeling me? I don't even have to ask, really. The proof is in the pudding, in that the XL and 1X sizes are always the first to sell out, leaving the XS and 4X on the rack months after the fact. Keep the faith, girls. Someday.