Americ-Ann

I received an infuriating email a few weeks ago. It was a YouTube clip of Ann Coulter (and other prominent political commentators) bashing Canada. Not teasing us in a tongue-in-cheek fashion, but really letting us have it. An average American, rambling anti-Canadian sentiment, wouldn't aggravate me to this extent, but Ann Coulter is a different story.

If you're not familiar with Ann Coulter, she's a controversial American media figure, famous for her confrontational debating techniques and staunch, unapologetic Republican views. She prides herself on being an obnoxious bigot, and doesn't pretend to be impartial in any way. Sounds like a delicate little flower, doesn't she? I can't imagine why she's single.

Despite her abrasive nature, this is an educated, intelligent woman. She has plenty of impressive credentials, and she has made many arguments for which she should be positively recognized. At a young age, she aspired to be an influential force in U.S law making and politics. She seemed well on her way, until she started shooting her mouth off.

You see, one day she must have realized that intelligent women are a dime a dozen, and exceptional women are just as plentiful. The subsequent realization that her blonde hair didn't automatically make her attractive, must have led her to formulate this new career strategy: to not bother letting her work speak for itself, and instead opting to create headlines and notoriety by being the rudest, loudest, most inappropriate, unprofessional, big-mouthed know-it-all in recent media history.

Mission accomplished.

Just a few of her most talked-about rants include: accusing a presidential candidate of using the death of his child as a sympathy card to gain votes; blaming a handicapped Vietnam veteran for losing the war; calling 9/11 widows "gold-diggers who are basking in the glory and financial windfall of their husbands' deaths"; describing Jews as "unperfected Christians"; and justifying the discrimination of all Muslims after the 2001 terrorist attacks.
Isn't she just the type of girl you'd want at your dinner party?

And all this is saying nothing of the spanking she gave Canada on CNN's "Crossfire". According to Ms. Coulter, Canada should be thankful that we are "allowed to exist on the same continent as the United States", and that we're lucky the U.S. hasn't "rolled over and crushed us", since all we do is use American power as a shield to hide our military inadequacies.

While I have to admit that our union with the U.S. serves us well in a "younger-brother-of-the-school-bully" kind of way, to say that it is a mutually beneficial relationship is an understatement.I won't even begin to list the important resources (such as power, oil, and lumber....oops, I guess that's considered listing) that Canada provides to their fair country. Instead of preaching to the choir, I'll let the Americans chow down on their Freedom Fries and tease us about igloos and dogsleds, while laughing to myself when one of them can't point to Nova Scotia on a map. Ignorance truly is bliss, and I'm content in knowing that, while Canada is happy, the good ol' United States is absolutely euphoric, if you know what I mean.

So, were it an average New Yorker or Floridian, comments about Canada's perceived uselessness wouldn't bother me. But Ann Coulter, who I had beef with already? Living in a great big glass house, she should be the last one throwing boulders. It wouldn't be an injustice, should she ever cross the border, to see her be handed a strong dose of Canadiana, NHL-bench-brawl style.

I wish I didn't have to loathe her so much, because she has, however seldom, made points I agree with. And there is something to be said of a person with enough courage to defend, to an international audience, their unpopular opinions (at least when that person does so with tact and respect). But a person, whose opinions aren't valuable enough to stand on their own, who resorts to personal attacks, sensationalism, and provocation, in order to steal some airtime on CNN, before their inevitable drift into obscurity? That's pathetic.

Ann can kiss my Maple Leaf, for starters.