I have to say, I was surprisingly impressed by this year's awards show. Much Music has always had a campy, trying-so-hard-to-be-the-MTV-VMAs-but-just-not-getting-it-right kind of show, but this year was different.
Right off the top, I loved that it wasn't 7 hours long. Most awards shows involve one or two good performances and another few hours of useless filler, but MM got it right: pack it tight with good stuff, and then call it a night.
Also, the whole street being closed down, the block party feel, is very cool.
I'll try to keep this a point-for-point commentary.
First of all, Devon Soltengeek (or whatever his name is) needs to stay the hell out of the tanning booth for a few weeks. Seriously dude, you're somewhere between Posh Spice and George Hamilton.
I loved that the guys from Sum 41 wore New Kids t-shirts. Totally stole my idea, 'cause that's what I would have wore, too. You go, Cone.
Someone should let Dwight Schrute that he's really not that big a star. There were rumours of a bit of a diva attitude during the show, which is really funny. Apparently he wouldn't introduce one act because they weren't popular enough. Are you kidding me? Neither are you! It would have been a perfect fit! He's one of these guys who should just be in character all the time since their real personality is obnoxious and far less enjoyable than their TV persona.
Back to Devon Soltendiek (or whatever his name is) briefly....when he mentioned having a girlfriend I almost fell on the floor. He's straight? Really? I've never seen a straight guy with pants that snug and hair that...well...odd. I always thought he was dating the cute little guyliner-wearing fella from Simple Plan. They'd make a cute couple.
Best red carpet moment: a big, expensive car rolls up and this chick struts out. Is it Bai Ling? Um, no. Who the hell is that? Everyone is cheering for her so she must be someone. Is that Sean Kingston? Oh that's his girlfriend! A complete nobody, yet she's working the red carpet and lapping up the attention like she's Mariah Carey. Love it. Moving along...
Note to the powers that be at MM: Nobody cares about The Hills. The only reason anyone knows who they are is because they're always on Perez Hilton. Get real celebrities next year. And no, Brody Jenner isn't cute. He kind of looks like he doesn't shower.
Jesse MacCartney, on the other hand, is the hotness. He always was, but now I feel better about saying it, since he's of legal age.
Perez looked great! He lost a lot of weight, and his suits were very dapper.
Why has no one pointed out the obvious and uncanny resemblance between the blonde chick from Girlicious and Mandy Moore? That always bothered me. They look so much alike and I've never even heard it mentioned.
Chase Crawford is the prettiest little boy I've seen in years.
Rhianna is an excellent performer, she's sounded good every time I've seen her. She sings live, unlike most others on awards shows, and she kills it every time. But hun, you could have done without those pants. I'm just saying.
Here's an excerpt from "The Robin Antin Girlicious/Pussycat Dolls Dance Manual": stand backwards, look over your shoulder; give your hair a "barely avoiding spinal injury" kind of whip and run your hands up the side of your body; walk in an exaggerated fashion toward the front of the stage while pointing at the crowd; do the Shakira ass-shake thing; aaaaaaaand....repeat.
Let's skip to Hedley. That Hoggard guy...man, can he sing. I think he's fantastic. There's something about him...I was going to say a quiet confidence, but it's anything but quiet. He's very comfortable in his own skin, and that is very attractive (even in denim capris, bare feet, and donning a fuscia fanny pack). Still, you could never convince me he isn't bisexual.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for. You know what I'm talking about - it's the New Kids on the Block.
You can't imagine the weird grade 3 butterflies I had in the 30 seconds before these guys took the stage. Did they sing well? Um, that would be a big "N-O". Were they back in full force? Um, no again. They actually looked bored and embarassed. But no matter! Who cares? They're the friggin' New Kids on the Block!
One of my oldest friends (yes, I'm talking about you, Amy) works at Much Music. Now I can't be certain if she met them, if she was even there, but I know somewhere in Toronto on Sunday night, whether she is willing to admit it or not (which I'm sure she is), Amy was all teeth, and possibly even grooving to "The Right Stuff". I'm hoping she gave Joey MacIntyre a rub for me, but all I can do is hope. I hope you lived it for me, Amy.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
'Tis the Season
Ah, spring.
As soon as the snow melts, I'm reminded of the approaching wedding season. Traditionally, once April ends, the wedding invitations start rolling in. I recently celebrated my second wedding anniversary, and our May long-weekend wedding in 2006 was perfect. No fear of poor attendance due to snow storms, no embarrassment and discomfort from excessive perspiration due to summer humidity.
And again, this spring did not disappoint. Not only did I receive an invitation to the sure-to-be-beautiful wedding of a good friend, but I got some very exciting news in the past few days: my little sister is getting married! Yay! And, also very exciting, she has asked me to stand in the wedding. For most 29-year-olds, this might be cause to groan at the thought of adding yet another hideous taffeta dress to the back of the coat closet for eternity, but not me. Believe it or not, I've never stood in a wedding before, and I'm pumped.
As a bridesmaid, you get to wear a pretty dress and carry flowers, only instead of paying for 200 meals and still going hungry for fear of spilling something on your gown, you get a stress-free, cost-free meal and a night of dancing. Seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.
Since I've been in her shoes and might have a few words of wisdom, I'll be helping plan certain parts of my sister's wedding, as required. Most brides know what they want and won't settle for anything less than what they feel is important. God bless them, every one. Unfortunately, as any post-wedding bride will tell you, what you think will be important often isn't, and the things you overlook can sometimes be the most important things of all.
Take decorations, for example. I wasn't satisfied until I had wrapped thousands of tiny chocolates in delicate foil (the color of which matched the bridesmaid dresses, of course), and had placed these chocolates on each table in little glass bowls filled with perfectly coordinated flower petals. Wrap your brain around the manpower involved in that little detail. A detail which, as should have been expected, fell on blind eyes - people grabbed the chocolates, drove them into their open gob, and threw the foil wrapper over their shoulder without a second thought. Being an excited bride, I put way too much thought and labor into that one project, thinking foolishly that people would pick up the candies and admire the workmanship. Who was I kidding.
So if I may, I'd like to offer a few tips to the ladies who are tirelessly planning their all-important wedding.
First and foremost, don't skimp or make any sacrifices when it comes to your pictures. I know it's expensive, but it's by far the best investment you'll make. Trust me, the day will fly by so fast, you won't even remember it the following afternoon, and all you'll have left are the images to remind you. Make a video if you can. If you can't afford a professional, get one or two reliable friends to take along their camcorder. I watch mine often, to remember the music, the nervous laughter, and the look on the groom's face when I walked down the aisle. (That's my favorite part, and it will probably be yours, too.) The opportunity to look back on that day is truly priceless.
Don't sweat the small stuff. The little details you're worrying so much about will go unnoticed to 99% of the guests, so don't worry if the small glasses of tomato juice clash with the centerpieces; you're the only one who cares. If the ring bearer drops the pillow and starts to cry, big deal; you'll laugh about it the week after. If your curls are falling out on the way to the church, if you can't find your best lipstick, if you got a dot of mascara on your dress, don't burst into tears; as long as your groom shows up, the little things don't matter. Everyone thinks you and your wedding are gorgeous. The people who don't just suck and shouldn't be there anyway.
Further to that, enjoy your day. Laugh with your friends and chat with people you don't see very often. Have a plate of food and a piece of your cake - you likely paid through the nose for it, so you might as well reap the benefits. Kick off your uncomfortable shoes so you can dance the night away. Try to steal a moment alone with the person you just married. Don't let your wedding ruin your Wedding Day. With any luck, you'll only do it once, so have a great time.
Here's to all the brides and grooms, and may you have an awesome wedding.
As soon as the snow melts, I'm reminded of the approaching wedding season. Traditionally, once April ends, the wedding invitations start rolling in. I recently celebrated my second wedding anniversary, and our May long-weekend wedding in 2006 was perfect. No fear of poor attendance due to snow storms, no embarrassment and discomfort from excessive perspiration due to summer humidity.
And again, this spring did not disappoint. Not only did I receive an invitation to the sure-to-be-beautiful wedding of a good friend, but I got some very exciting news in the past few days: my little sister is getting married! Yay! And, also very exciting, she has asked me to stand in the wedding. For most 29-year-olds, this might be cause to groan at the thought of adding yet another hideous taffeta dress to the back of the coat closet for eternity, but not me. Believe it or not, I've never stood in a wedding before, and I'm pumped.
As a bridesmaid, you get to wear a pretty dress and carry flowers, only instead of paying for 200 meals and still going hungry for fear of spilling something on your gown, you get a stress-free, cost-free meal and a night of dancing. Seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.
Since I've been in her shoes and might have a few words of wisdom, I'll be helping plan certain parts of my sister's wedding, as required. Most brides know what they want and won't settle for anything less than what they feel is important. God bless them, every one. Unfortunately, as any post-wedding bride will tell you, what you think will be important often isn't, and the things you overlook can sometimes be the most important things of all.
Take decorations, for example. I wasn't satisfied until I had wrapped thousands of tiny chocolates in delicate foil (the color of which matched the bridesmaid dresses, of course), and had placed these chocolates on each table in little glass bowls filled with perfectly coordinated flower petals. Wrap your brain around the manpower involved in that little detail. A detail which, as should have been expected, fell on blind eyes - people grabbed the chocolates, drove them into their open gob, and threw the foil wrapper over their shoulder without a second thought. Being an excited bride, I put way too much thought and labor into that one project, thinking foolishly that people would pick up the candies and admire the workmanship. Who was I kidding.
So if I may, I'd like to offer a few tips to the ladies who are tirelessly planning their all-important wedding.
First and foremost, don't skimp or make any sacrifices when it comes to your pictures. I know it's expensive, but it's by far the best investment you'll make. Trust me, the day will fly by so fast, you won't even remember it the following afternoon, and all you'll have left are the images to remind you. Make a video if you can. If you can't afford a professional, get one or two reliable friends to take along their camcorder. I watch mine often, to remember the music, the nervous laughter, and the look on the groom's face when I walked down the aisle. (That's my favorite part, and it will probably be yours, too.) The opportunity to look back on that day is truly priceless.
Don't sweat the small stuff. The little details you're worrying so much about will go unnoticed to 99% of the guests, so don't worry if the small glasses of tomato juice clash with the centerpieces; you're the only one who cares. If the ring bearer drops the pillow and starts to cry, big deal; you'll laugh about it the week after. If your curls are falling out on the way to the church, if you can't find your best lipstick, if you got a dot of mascara on your dress, don't burst into tears; as long as your groom shows up, the little things don't matter. Everyone thinks you and your wedding are gorgeous. The people who don't just suck and shouldn't be there anyway.
Further to that, enjoy your day. Laugh with your friends and chat with people you don't see very often. Have a plate of food and a piece of your cake - you likely paid through the nose for it, so you might as well reap the benefits. Kick off your uncomfortable shoes so you can dance the night away. Try to steal a moment alone with the person you just married. Don't let your wedding ruin your Wedding Day. With any luck, you'll only do it once, so have a great time.
Here's to all the brides and grooms, and may you have an awesome wedding.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Other Man
A few weeks ago, I heard Kelly Atchison make a brave admission on The Hawk's Drive at Five. Her unabashed honesty has prompted me to stand up and confess to the same thing.
I have had a relationship with a man named Perez for about a year and a half, and though not many people knew about it at first, I have come to learn that lots of others have become infatuated with him as well. Millions, in fact.
You see, Perez is Perez Hilton. He's a chubby, sometimes-pink-haired, sometimes-green-haired, flamboyant, trouble-making, no-holds-barred gossip-monger. His online blog started about three years ago, and since has become one of the most visited sites on the internet. Literally. I think he averages about seven million hits per day.
That is why I'm no longer ashamed to admit that I take his information as gospel truth, whether I should or not; I'm certainly not the only one who does. He's got moles all over Hollywood, much to the chagrin of the celebrities he blogs about, and a movie star can't make a move, steal a kiss, buy a car, or get arrested, without Perez finding out in minutes and posting it online minutes later.
And not just the things you'll hear about on Access Hollywood later that evening. No, no, I'm talking about the indiscretions most celebrity-types really want to keep private. Things he calls "Not-so-blind" items, like which celebrity was seen canoodling in first class on a flight from New York to Los Angeles with a tennis instructor who looked nothing like her well-known husband. And which recently-rehabbed actor was downing scotch alone in the back of his limo after a night of toting a water bottle for show.
It's things like that which set Perez apart from the mainstream entertainment reports. Of course he'll post a play-by-play of last night's Dancing With the Stars, but he's also got the inside track that Mark Steines would give his firstborn to have. He has reliable spies who are willing to spill, based on guaranteed anonymity, little required corroboration, and absolutely no recourse. When actor A and actress B, who have been denying their relationship for months, take a vacation to remote parts of Utah, the waitress who served them lunch can email Perez and tell her story, without a 6-person camera crew from ET showing up and making her sign an exclusivity contract. Or it could be the cleaner at a high-end Malibu obstetrics clinic who confirms the pregnancy of a popular singer. There really isn't any way of validating the information you read, but it's entertaining nonetheless.
Why it's entertaining is something I can't really explain. It's human nature to gossip, and maybe it's easier to gossip about millionaires you'll never meet, than it is to talk about your neighbors and friends. Maybe you thrive on the misery of others. Maybe you're convinced Justin Timberlake is destined to marry you and you're waiting for news about his break-up with Jessica Biel and scheduled flight to Nova Scotia (hypothetically, of course). Everyone has their own reasons, I guess. I think the biggest one for me is the humanity.
Whether or not you're interested in celebrities, chances are, if you watch any television or read any newspapers, you're inundated with information about them anyway. With expensive publicists and PR firms spinning their every action, the seemingly-charmed lives of stars sometimes make me want to throw up (6 million dollars to work on a bad movie for 4 months? Crazy!). But to hear of a big star getting peed on by a dog at the park, or quietly donating a large sum of money to a food bank, or losing their brother to cancer, makes these people seem more human, and reminds people that, though they may be rich and beautiful, they're just regular folks like us.
So chances are, I'm going to continue my relationship with Perez. Where else will I learn such pertinent information as sales figures for Lindsay Lohan's clothing line, Madonna's marital troubles, and Mischa Barton's latest rehab stint? Oh that's right, on the national news. Claim you haven't uttered the name Britney Spears in the past 18 months, and I'll call you a liar. A great number of you are just as bad as I am, only Kelly and I have the guts to admit it.
Sure, a large portion of the content on Perez's site is salacious and juvenile. It could also be fairly described as a waste of normally-useful brain cells, I suppose. But you can't convince me it's any worse than a few minutes of X-Box 360, an episode of "My Name is Earl", or any Will Farrell movie. We all have our guilty pleasures.
I have had a relationship with a man named Perez for about a year and a half, and though not many people knew about it at first, I have come to learn that lots of others have become infatuated with him as well. Millions, in fact.
You see, Perez is Perez Hilton. He's a chubby, sometimes-pink-haired, sometimes-green-haired, flamboyant, trouble-making, no-holds-barred gossip-monger. His online blog started about three years ago, and since has become one of the most visited sites on the internet. Literally. I think he averages about seven million hits per day.
That is why I'm no longer ashamed to admit that I take his information as gospel truth, whether I should or not; I'm certainly not the only one who does. He's got moles all over Hollywood, much to the chagrin of the celebrities he blogs about, and a movie star can't make a move, steal a kiss, buy a car, or get arrested, without Perez finding out in minutes and posting it online minutes later.
And not just the things you'll hear about on Access Hollywood later that evening. No, no, I'm talking about the indiscretions most celebrity-types really want to keep private. Things he calls "Not-so-blind" items, like which celebrity was seen canoodling in first class on a flight from New York to Los Angeles with a tennis instructor who looked nothing like her well-known husband. And which recently-rehabbed actor was downing scotch alone in the back of his limo after a night of toting a water bottle for show.
It's things like that which set Perez apart from the mainstream entertainment reports. Of course he'll post a play-by-play of last night's Dancing With the Stars, but he's also got the inside track that Mark Steines would give his firstborn to have. He has reliable spies who are willing to spill, based on guaranteed anonymity, little required corroboration, and absolutely no recourse. When actor A and actress B, who have been denying their relationship for months, take a vacation to remote parts of Utah, the waitress who served them lunch can email Perez and tell her story, without a 6-person camera crew from ET showing up and making her sign an exclusivity contract. Or it could be the cleaner at a high-end Malibu obstetrics clinic who confirms the pregnancy of a popular singer. There really isn't any way of validating the information you read, but it's entertaining nonetheless.
Why it's entertaining is something I can't really explain. It's human nature to gossip, and maybe it's easier to gossip about millionaires you'll never meet, than it is to talk about your neighbors and friends. Maybe you thrive on the misery of others. Maybe you're convinced Justin Timberlake is destined to marry you and you're waiting for news about his break-up with Jessica Biel and scheduled flight to Nova Scotia (hypothetically, of course). Everyone has their own reasons, I guess. I think the biggest one for me is the humanity.
Whether or not you're interested in celebrities, chances are, if you watch any television or read any newspapers, you're inundated with information about them anyway. With expensive publicists and PR firms spinning their every action, the seemingly-charmed lives of stars sometimes make me want to throw up (6 million dollars to work on a bad movie for 4 months? Crazy!). But to hear of a big star getting peed on by a dog at the park, or quietly donating a large sum of money to a food bank, or losing their brother to cancer, makes these people seem more human, and reminds people that, though they may be rich and beautiful, they're just regular folks like us.
So chances are, I'm going to continue my relationship with Perez. Where else will I learn such pertinent information as sales figures for Lindsay Lohan's clothing line, Madonna's marital troubles, and Mischa Barton's latest rehab stint? Oh that's right, on the national news. Claim you haven't uttered the name Britney Spears in the past 18 months, and I'll call you a liar. A great number of you are just as bad as I am, only Kelly and I have the guts to admit it.
Sure, a large portion of the content on Perez's site is salacious and juvenile. It could also be fairly described as a waste of normally-useful brain cells, I suppose. But you can't convince me it's any worse than a few minutes of X-Box 360, an episode of "My Name is Earl", or any Will Farrell movie. We all have our guilty pleasures.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
One of Those Weeks
I don't know if it's the weather, or the price of gas, or that I gave up ice cream, but I've been having one of those weeks. Here are my most recent (and some long-standing) pet peeves.
Bad drivers are among the worst offenders. I happen to believe that I am the greatest driver in history. Everyone thinks that about themselves, but unfortunately only a small few even come close. How is it that I am always stuck behind the bad ones? The ones who put their signal light on near the Ultramar to pull in to the Civic Center. The ones who view the speed limit as an outrageous suggestion. The ones who have enough room to navigate a tractor trailer with ease, yet take 25 minutes to back their SmartCar out of their parking spot, for fear of hitting something. The obligatory "sorry for the wait, thanks for your patience" wave does little to quell my fury. Move it along, people. And watch where you're going. Jeez.
People who don't pronounce words properly, and other language-related blunders. I'm no Rhodes scholar, but I can usually construct a coherent sentence. Unfortunately, I encounter this problem so often that I almost wrote an entire article about it, and that's pretty bad. A few tips: there is no excuse for using the words "irregardless" or "unthawed". There is no point in using fancy words, like "superfluous" and others like it, unless you know their meaning. And "there", "their", and "they're" are NOT interchangeable. These are simple truths, like it or not. So many intelligent people dumb themselves down by being careless, and it's really irritating.
Lack of customer service. There aren't many people put in charge of accounting departments who can't add 2 plus 2. So, it would stand to reason that someone who knows nothing about bed sheets would not be put in charge of a linens department, wouldn't it? You would think so. Unfortunately, there are human resources people in our area who do not subscribe to this logic. Hence, I often find myself faced with a blank stare after asking Bambi Jo Useless about sizing curtains, considering her specialties are in areas of "Facebook" and "Hanging Out". There is a phone right beside you, dear; please get someone knowledgeable over here to help me. My kids are throwing groceries at each other and I don't have time to explain the difference between a valance and a mini-blind.
This is the big one. The worst of the worst, the thing that makes me want to run screaming through the streets. How many of you have been in a rush running into the gas station to grab a carton of milk and some lady with a 4-inch thick portfolio of lottery tickets is at the counter to check them all and get new ones? Picture it: nine people in line, all of whom are paying for nothing more than a snack or a newspaper or a tank of gas, and some woman at the front is (slowly) saying, "I'll take 2 with the Tag, and 2 without, and I'll have 1 of the Bingo...oh no, wait...1 of the Crossword, and 2 of the Bingo, and I'll have $5 worth of Bucko...how much is that? Ok, then I'll take 4 of the pull-tabs, and...". Go ahead, name me something more annoying. Sure, I guess there's that noise the machine makes. There isn't a way to type it out, but if you can imagine the sound of crying babies, mixed with chain saws, mixed with cats fighting, that still wouldn't be as annoying as the "no win" sound of the lottery ticket machine. At least not as far as I'm concerned. It's not even so much the noise itself, it's the fact that people would rather be lazy and hold up the line, than check their tickets on the machine in the corner designed solely for that purpose.
Last but not least, there's the girls who pretend to be hockey fans. Do they do it to impress guys? To feel like part of something? Those are the only reasons I can figure out, but it doesn't make things any less annoying. I can't count how many times I read "Sally can't wait to watch the Habs game tonight!" on someone's Facebook page, when they clearly and by admission have not watched a single regular season game, know nothing about hockey in general, and don't even enjoy it. Unless you can name at least two players from each team in the NHL, a handful of coaches, and explain what off-side is, keep your phoney play-off proclamations to yourself. You're not fooling (or impressing) anyone.
Whew, that was a lot of complaining for 800 words. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood next week.
Bad drivers are among the worst offenders. I happen to believe that I am the greatest driver in history. Everyone thinks that about themselves, but unfortunately only a small few even come close. How is it that I am always stuck behind the bad ones? The ones who put their signal light on near the Ultramar to pull in to the Civic Center. The ones who view the speed limit as an outrageous suggestion. The ones who have enough room to navigate a tractor trailer with ease, yet take 25 minutes to back their SmartCar out of their parking spot, for fear of hitting something. The obligatory "sorry for the wait, thanks for your patience" wave does little to quell my fury. Move it along, people. And watch where you're going. Jeez.
People who don't pronounce words properly, and other language-related blunders. I'm no Rhodes scholar, but I can usually construct a coherent sentence. Unfortunately, I encounter this problem so often that I almost wrote an entire article about it, and that's pretty bad. A few tips: there is no excuse for using the words "irregardless" or "unthawed". There is no point in using fancy words, like "superfluous" and others like it, unless you know their meaning. And "there", "their", and "they're" are NOT interchangeable. These are simple truths, like it or not. So many intelligent people dumb themselves down by being careless, and it's really irritating.
Lack of customer service. There aren't many people put in charge of accounting departments who can't add 2 plus 2. So, it would stand to reason that someone who knows nothing about bed sheets would not be put in charge of a linens department, wouldn't it? You would think so. Unfortunately, there are human resources people in our area who do not subscribe to this logic. Hence, I often find myself faced with a blank stare after asking Bambi Jo Useless about sizing curtains, considering her specialties are in areas of "Facebook" and "Hanging Out". There is a phone right beside you, dear; please get someone knowledgeable over here to help me. My kids are throwing groceries at each other and I don't have time to explain the difference between a valance and a mini-blind.
This is the big one. The worst of the worst, the thing that makes me want to run screaming through the streets. How many of you have been in a rush running into the gas station to grab a carton of milk and some lady with a 4-inch thick portfolio of lottery tickets is at the counter to check them all and get new ones? Picture it: nine people in line, all of whom are paying for nothing more than a snack or a newspaper or a tank of gas, and some woman at the front is (slowly) saying, "I'll take 2 with the Tag, and 2 without, and I'll have 1 of the Bingo...oh no, wait...1 of the Crossword, and 2 of the Bingo, and I'll have $5 worth of Bucko...how much is that? Ok, then I'll take 4 of the pull-tabs, and...". Go ahead, name me something more annoying. Sure, I guess there's that noise the machine makes. There isn't a way to type it out, but if you can imagine the sound of crying babies, mixed with chain saws, mixed with cats fighting, that still wouldn't be as annoying as the "no win" sound of the lottery ticket machine. At least not as far as I'm concerned. It's not even so much the noise itself, it's the fact that people would rather be lazy and hold up the line, than check their tickets on the machine in the corner designed solely for that purpose.
Last but not least, there's the girls who pretend to be hockey fans. Do they do it to impress guys? To feel like part of something? Those are the only reasons I can figure out, but it doesn't make things any less annoying. I can't count how many times I read "Sally can't wait to watch the Habs game tonight!" on someone's Facebook page, when they clearly and by admission have not watched a single regular season game, know nothing about hockey in general, and don't even enjoy it. Unless you can name at least two players from each team in the NHL, a handful of coaches, and explain what off-side is, keep your phoney play-off proclamations to yourself. You're not fooling (or impressing) anyone.
Whew, that was a lot of complaining for 800 words. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood next week.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Dear Premier MacDonald
Please forgive me, Premier MacDonald, for misinterpreting the statements you made in a recent interview about rising gas prices. I was so busy struggling to make ends meet that I didn't put aside the time to thoroughly analyze your words.
Your plight for clarification was brought to my attention on May 14th, when I read your letter in The Reporter. You did a fine job explaining to us all how you were so viciously and maliciously misquoted.
After all, had I not been so consumed with my astronomically-priced light bill, I might have recognized that, when you suggested "taking up the opportunity for transit", that could just as easily have meant for people to take the subway or commuter train from Inverness to....um....wait now, hold on. I don't think there are any other means of public transit in Nova Scotia apart from the buses in CBRM and HRM, are there? I mean, except for the Strait Area Transit Cooperative, but, useful as they might be, I'm not aware of their fleet of vehicles making a daily River Bourgeois - Port Hawkesbury run. No matter, you didn't actually SAY for us to take the bus, you just suggested we use public transit....which would HAVE to mean the bus, since there aren't any alternatives....which would make the quote, "take the bus" pretty accurate. Anyway, I digress.
Thank you for your suggestion as to how to get some relief at the pumps. When I get a break from worrying about this region's high unemployment rates and economic hardship, I'm going to look into getting one of those hybrid vehicles you talk about. As one of the highest paid public servants in our province, I'm sure you'll have no trouble getting your hands on one, so maybe you could give me some buying tips. Who knows, since people who can afford hybrid cars probably aren't too concerned with gas prices anyway, perhaps I can find an owner to let me take theirs for a test drive! As long as I promise not to go for an ice cream, of course. We've all learned what a perilous outing that can be.
It's surprising that you haven't received more thanks from the people of Mabou and Cheticamp and Framboise, all those small communities, for those generous transit tax credits included in the recent budget. People around here need all the help they can get, and even though credits like that won't apply to the majority of Nova Scotians (certainly not to the ones living in your riding), you would think the municipal councilors or welfare recipients or Ladies Auxiliaries, somebody, would have all got together and at least sent a fruit basket or something your way, in lieu of the widely-inclusive financial assistance provided by our government. How ungrateful.
But, while I'm sitting around watching tourism figures and population numbers rapidly decrease, I'm encouraged by the fact that you had the time and resources to pen and distribute such an important letter of explanation to your hometown constituents. One has to assume that, with enough time on your hands to successfully spin a potential media fallout, you must have projects up your sleeve that will solve all our problems here at home. I can't wait for the press conference announcing what plans for our area have developed to such an extent that letter-writing is your top priority. Is it a new plant of some sort? A change in the Accord agreement? C'mon Premier, don't play coy! We're chomping at the bit over here.
I don't have much more time to write, as I'm on my way to the post office (I can't afford to go visit my family in Richmond County every week, what with the price of gas and all, so we've started corresponding by mail). However, I would like to commend you on your flair for the dramatic. It's not every day a Premier has a letter published in every provincial newspaper for the purposes of damage control, attempting to clarify a point that is, I feel, pretty clear to everyone already. It must be difficult to compete for headlines with the likes of Judy Streach and your other colorful cohorts in Halifax. How very Strait regional school board of you to make much ado about nothing; it almost indicates a knowledge of goings-on in our region after all.
In closing, Premier, I'd like to extend to you an invitation to my son's third birthday party next week. I notice that you're usually in enthusiastic and jovial attendance at other functions around Port Hawkesbury as of late, and I'm willing to bet a well-to-do man like yourself will probably spring for a pretty nice present (there will be free food, after all). Just look for the blue house with the white "surrender" flag hanging on the deck.
Very sincerely,
Gina MacDonald
Your plight for clarification was brought to my attention on May 14th, when I read your letter in The Reporter. You did a fine job explaining to us all how you were so viciously and maliciously misquoted.
After all, had I not been so consumed with my astronomically-priced light bill, I might have recognized that, when you suggested "taking up the opportunity for transit", that could just as easily have meant for people to take the subway or commuter train from Inverness to....um....wait now, hold on. I don't think there are any other means of public transit in Nova Scotia apart from the buses in CBRM and HRM, are there? I mean, except for the Strait Area Transit Cooperative, but, useful as they might be, I'm not aware of their fleet of vehicles making a daily River Bourgeois - Port Hawkesbury run. No matter, you didn't actually SAY for us to take the bus, you just suggested we use public transit....which would HAVE to mean the bus, since there aren't any alternatives....which would make the quote, "take the bus" pretty accurate. Anyway, I digress.
Thank you for your suggestion as to how to get some relief at the pumps. When I get a break from worrying about this region's high unemployment rates and economic hardship, I'm going to look into getting one of those hybrid vehicles you talk about. As one of the highest paid public servants in our province, I'm sure you'll have no trouble getting your hands on one, so maybe you could give me some buying tips. Who knows, since people who can afford hybrid cars probably aren't too concerned with gas prices anyway, perhaps I can find an owner to let me take theirs for a test drive! As long as I promise not to go for an ice cream, of course. We've all learned what a perilous outing that can be.
It's surprising that you haven't received more thanks from the people of Mabou and Cheticamp and Framboise, all those small communities, for those generous transit tax credits included in the recent budget. People around here need all the help they can get, and even though credits like that won't apply to the majority of Nova Scotians (certainly not to the ones living in your riding), you would think the municipal councilors or welfare recipients or Ladies Auxiliaries, somebody, would have all got together and at least sent a fruit basket or something your way, in lieu of the widely-inclusive financial assistance provided by our government. How ungrateful.
But, while I'm sitting around watching tourism figures and population numbers rapidly decrease, I'm encouraged by the fact that you had the time and resources to pen and distribute such an important letter of explanation to your hometown constituents. One has to assume that, with enough time on your hands to successfully spin a potential media fallout, you must have projects up your sleeve that will solve all our problems here at home. I can't wait for the press conference announcing what plans for our area have developed to such an extent that letter-writing is your top priority. Is it a new plant of some sort? A change in the Accord agreement? C'mon Premier, don't play coy! We're chomping at the bit over here.
I don't have much more time to write, as I'm on my way to the post office (I can't afford to go visit my family in Richmond County every week, what with the price of gas and all, so we've started corresponding by mail). However, I would like to commend you on your flair for the dramatic. It's not every day a Premier has a letter published in every provincial newspaper for the purposes of damage control, attempting to clarify a point that is, I feel, pretty clear to everyone already. It must be difficult to compete for headlines with the likes of Judy Streach and your other colorful cohorts in Halifax. How very Strait regional school board of you to make much ado about nothing; it almost indicates a knowledge of goings-on in our region after all.
In closing, Premier, I'd like to extend to you an invitation to my son's third birthday party next week. I notice that you're usually in enthusiastic and jovial attendance at other functions around Port Hawkesbury as of late, and I'm willing to bet a well-to-do man like yourself will probably spring for a pretty nice present (there will be free food, after all). Just look for the blue house with the white "surrender" flag hanging on the deck.
Very sincerely,
Gina MacDonald
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
American Idol Finale
I wish I would have had this idea at the beginning of the season....Paula Abdul quote of the night: "You're standing in your truth." WTF?? I love Paula, she brings the crazy.
Do you think Simon reads my blog? Just humor me and say yes. I know he doesn't, but sometimes he says things that are exactly as I've written them, and I have wild fantasies about him logging in to see what I have to say after every show. God I love delusions.
Anyway, last night was the big showdown. The whole boxing theme was lame, from the "Are you ready to rumble" guy announcing the contestants, to the silk boxing robes, to the guy giving useless boxing commentary throughout the show. I know they're trying to spice things up a bit on that show, but last night's "theme" was not the right approach.
Archuleta got the pimp spot after a coin toss the day before (being the last to sing is considered the "pimp spot", for those of you who are in the dark...it's a definite advantage to be the last voice the audience hears). Tough break for Cook.
Out of the gates, I knew which way this competition was going to go, just based on the songs chosen by Clive Davis (I thought he was dead...what is he, like 150 years old?).
Cook was assigned "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2. Nevermind the fact that I can't stand U2, and nevermind that of all U2 songs, that one is a huge snoozefest; there are a million other songs that would have been better suited for Cook, and Clive knows it, don't you Clive? You conniving old bastard. And wait, what the hell is Andrew Lloyd Webber still doing there?? Gross. He creeps me out. I think he has a crush on Ryan....sorry, I digress. Cook did as much with the U2 song as he could...or did he? It was sung well-ish, but not his best, not by a mile, and certainly not good enough to rise above Archuleta. I was a bit perturbed. But anyway.
Then came Archuleta, who had been handed "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me". (Note to most of the folks who read this blog regularly: don't even try to pretend you didn't snicker when you heard he was doing that song. I could not get "Don't let your son go down on me" out of my head the whole performance.) Plain and simple, that's a better song than Cook's, in many ways. In typical Archuleta fashion, he sang the crap out of it, stuttered and mumbled his way through the comments and accolades, and was declared the rightful winner of round one.
Round two allowed the Davids to choose their favorite of the best songs from the country-wide songwriting competition. Bring on the trite, sugar-coated goodness.
Cook sang...huh? A rock tune? Wow, I wasn't expecting that. It was a far cry from "A Moment Like This" or the other drivel that's usually forced upon the finalists. It was ok, but not great. Sung well, but the vocals didn't make up for the fact that the song didn't have much depth. I don't know, maybe I was just distracted by the fact that it could easily have been on the soundtrack for "Footloose" or something. A Kenny Loggins comeback tune maybe. You know what I mean. (Still, in the back of my mind I was thinking "mysterious...he's not bringing his 'A' game, and he knows it...why?")
Oh THERE'S the drivel....I knew it couldn't be far, turns out Archuleta was hoarding it all. His song was typical AI finale, typical Archuleta. Very predictable, but also sung very well. I'm talking VERY well. I gave round 2 to Archie, and so did Simon.
The final round was contestant's choice. As I said in last week's blog, and as was echoed by Simon, the logical choice for Cook would have been "Billie Jean" or "Hello". But what did Cook do? He chose a song by arguably the worst band in history...for his final song...the deciding song. Really? Are you kidding me? "The World I Know" is a crap song, and he knows that. It's at this point of the night that I realized the reason for this bizarre evening of performance: are you ready? David Cook threw the competition. Oh ya bitches, I said it. First song? Ok, but not great. Second song? Same thing. And then, with a choice of any song in the entire world, including the option to perform a song touted as the best and most original AI performance ever, he chose Collective Soul? This guy who has made incredible song choices the entire competition, mucks everything up on finale night? I don't think so. Cook knew he had made his mark. He knew that regardless of tonight's outcome, he'd have a record deal. And so instead of choosing a career of syrupy, pre-written love songs, he bit the bullet, sucked it up, and intentionally lost. It's probably best for everyone, and I applaud the master of using American Idol to his best advantage.
Roll out the red carpet, cause here comes Archuleta onstage to oversing "Imagine" by John Lennon. He really could sing the phone book and it would sound beautiful. He could have laid off the runs and the warbling a bit, but in any case, he killed it.
So at this point it's pretty obvious: David Archuleta is going to be the winner of American Idol Season 7. Good for him, he deserves it. I can't wait to watch him in interviews over the next few months, and then on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew in about 10 years.
Do you think Simon reads my blog? Just humor me and say yes. I know he doesn't, but sometimes he says things that are exactly as I've written them, and I have wild fantasies about him logging in to see what I have to say after every show. God I love delusions.
Anyway, last night was the big showdown. The whole boxing theme was lame, from the "Are you ready to rumble" guy announcing the contestants, to the silk boxing robes, to the guy giving useless boxing commentary throughout the show. I know they're trying to spice things up a bit on that show, but last night's "theme" was not the right approach.
Archuleta got the pimp spot after a coin toss the day before (being the last to sing is considered the "pimp spot", for those of you who are in the dark...it's a definite advantage to be the last voice the audience hears). Tough break for Cook.
Out of the gates, I knew which way this competition was going to go, just based on the songs chosen by Clive Davis (I thought he was dead...what is he, like 150 years old?).
Cook was assigned "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2. Nevermind the fact that I can't stand U2, and nevermind that of all U2 songs, that one is a huge snoozefest; there are a million other songs that would have been better suited for Cook, and Clive knows it, don't you Clive? You conniving old bastard. And wait, what the hell is Andrew Lloyd Webber still doing there?? Gross. He creeps me out. I think he has a crush on Ryan....sorry, I digress. Cook did as much with the U2 song as he could...or did he? It was sung well-ish, but not his best, not by a mile, and certainly not good enough to rise above Archuleta. I was a bit perturbed. But anyway.
Then came Archuleta, who had been handed "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me". (Note to most of the folks who read this blog regularly: don't even try to pretend you didn't snicker when you heard he was doing that song. I could not get "Don't let your son go down on me" out of my head the whole performance.) Plain and simple, that's a better song than Cook's, in many ways. In typical Archuleta fashion, he sang the crap out of it, stuttered and mumbled his way through the comments and accolades, and was declared the rightful winner of round one.
Round two allowed the Davids to choose their favorite of the best songs from the country-wide songwriting competition. Bring on the trite, sugar-coated goodness.
Cook sang...huh? A rock tune? Wow, I wasn't expecting that. It was a far cry from "A Moment Like This" or the other drivel that's usually forced upon the finalists. It was ok, but not great. Sung well, but the vocals didn't make up for the fact that the song didn't have much depth. I don't know, maybe I was just distracted by the fact that it could easily have been on the soundtrack for "Footloose" or something. A Kenny Loggins comeback tune maybe. You know what I mean. (Still, in the back of my mind I was thinking "mysterious...he's not bringing his 'A' game, and he knows it...why?")
Oh THERE'S the drivel....I knew it couldn't be far, turns out Archuleta was hoarding it all. His song was typical AI finale, typical Archuleta. Very predictable, but also sung very well. I'm talking VERY well. I gave round 2 to Archie, and so did Simon.
The final round was contestant's choice. As I said in last week's blog, and as was echoed by Simon, the logical choice for Cook would have been "Billie Jean" or "Hello". But what did Cook do? He chose a song by arguably the worst band in history...for his final song...the deciding song. Really? Are you kidding me? "The World I Know" is a crap song, and he knows that. It's at this point of the night that I realized the reason for this bizarre evening of performance: are you ready? David Cook threw the competition. Oh ya bitches, I said it. First song? Ok, but not great. Second song? Same thing. And then, with a choice of any song in the entire world, including the option to perform a song touted as the best and most original AI performance ever, he chose Collective Soul? This guy who has made incredible song choices the entire competition, mucks everything up on finale night? I don't think so. Cook knew he had made his mark. He knew that regardless of tonight's outcome, he'd have a record deal. And so instead of choosing a career of syrupy, pre-written love songs, he bit the bullet, sucked it up, and intentionally lost. It's probably best for everyone, and I applaud the master of using American Idol to his best advantage.
Roll out the red carpet, cause here comes Archuleta onstage to oversing "Imagine" by John Lennon. He really could sing the phone book and it would sound beautiful. He could have laid off the runs and the warbling a bit, but in any case, he killed it.
So at this point it's pretty obvious: David Archuleta is going to be the winner of American Idol Season 7. Good for him, he deserves it. I can't wait to watch him in interviews over the next few months, and then on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew in about 10 years.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
American Idol - Goodbye Syesha!
Thank god! Syesha needed to go. It's been the David vs. David show for a long time anyway, so I'm glad we've thinned the rest of the herd.
The top 3 performance night wasn't great as far as I'm concerned, and the Davids better get their asses in gear for next week. "And So It Goes" was pretty good, but when Archuleta sang "With You" by Chris Brown, it made me uncomfortable to watch him dance around (plus he forgot half the words and just barely covered it up). I don't even remember what the final song was for him.
Even Cook wasn't his usual stellar self Tuesday night. The Roberta Flack song that Simon chose for him sounded pretty good, but the second song wasn't very good. It's a hard song to sing anyway, and on top of it he was sharp in a lot of places. The Aerosmith song he did at the end was OK too, but meh, not memorable like some of his others. I wonder if these guys realized they were singing for their survival? Cause it sure didn't seem like they cared too much.
WTF was that black & fuschia creature that crawled out of the night and invaded the AI stage? I heard someone say it was Fantasia. I know I'm not a model, but my god, THAT is a hard looking woman. The hair, the outfit, the dancing, the shrieking, the braces....the look on Simon's face was priceless, he didn't know what to do. I was completely repulsed. All she needed was a cape, and she could have been the female version of James Brown. Highlight of the night.
Next week is the finale, and the Davids will (at least I think), in addition to singing whatever shiteous song is the Season 7 Winner's Song, be choosing their favorite song of the ones they've previously performed. Gee, I wonder which one Archuleta will pick? He'd be a fool not to do imagine. And Cook will probably do Billy Jean (though I'd like to see him do Lionel Richie's "Hello"). They better choose carefully and sing well, instead of dragging their asses like this past week.
Then, on Wednesday's 15 hour live results show, a bunch of irrelevant people will perform more shiteous songs. Ruben will be there singing "Celebrate Me Home", almost as though there are 3 people in the world who like that song and who care that Ruben still has a music, um, I guess you'd call it "career"? Whatever, moving right along. I'm sure all the top 12 will sing a group song a la High School Musical, maybe even some of the top 24 will be there. Jordin Sparks will probably sing assuming her vocal chords are back on par. I'm sure there will be at least 1 non-Idol-alumni performance, possibly Jesse McCartney, since he's the only person I could find who has an album being released next week. I'm sure there will be someone "shocking", someone really famous, but that will probably remain a secret until they grace the stage. Yawn. AI is getting pretty predictable.
It's going to be a close call, but a this point the producers seem to be gunning for a David Cook win, and that's probably what we'll see.
Don't get me wrong, David Cook should win. He's the rightful winner. He's got it all. But really, in the grand scheme of things, would he be better off winning? Or would he be better off losing? I hate seeing someone win AI when they don't deserve it, like Taylor Hicks coming in 1st when Katherine McPhee & Chris Daughtry went home. I know it turned out for the best for Daughtry, but it still pissed me off a bit that Hicks won the popularity contest. If Cook wins, he'll have to make an album of sugar-coated pop songs, which might ruin his credibility altogether. But if he loses, he'll be signed by a record label, wait 18mts as per the Idol contract, then records and releases what will probably be a completely awesome album that he has creative control over. That seems like a better idea to me, but the deal is pretty much sealed now. I'm hoping the Idol thing doesn't mar his image and overshadow his talent.
Anyway, I guess we'll see next week.
The top 3 performance night wasn't great as far as I'm concerned, and the Davids better get their asses in gear for next week. "And So It Goes" was pretty good, but when Archuleta sang "With You" by Chris Brown, it made me uncomfortable to watch him dance around (plus he forgot half the words and just barely covered it up). I don't even remember what the final song was for him.
Even Cook wasn't his usual stellar self Tuesday night. The Roberta Flack song that Simon chose for him sounded pretty good, but the second song wasn't very good. It's a hard song to sing anyway, and on top of it he was sharp in a lot of places. The Aerosmith song he did at the end was OK too, but meh, not memorable like some of his others. I wonder if these guys realized they were singing for their survival? Cause it sure didn't seem like they cared too much.
WTF was that black & fuschia creature that crawled out of the night and invaded the AI stage? I heard someone say it was Fantasia. I know I'm not a model, but my god, THAT is a hard looking woman. The hair, the outfit, the dancing, the shrieking, the braces....the look on Simon's face was priceless, he didn't know what to do. I was completely repulsed. All she needed was a cape, and she could have been the female version of James Brown. Highlight of the night.
Next week is the finale, and the Davids will (at least I think), in addition to singing whatever shiteous song is the Season 7 Winner's Song, be choosing their favorite song of the ones they've previously performed. Gee, I wonder which one Archuleta will pick? He'd be a fool not to do imagine. And Cook will probably do Billy Jean (though I'd like to see him do Lionel Richie's "Hello"). They better choose carefully and sing well, instead of dragging their asses like this past week.
Then, on Wednesday's 15 hour live results show, a bunch of irrelevant people will perform more shiteous songs. Ruben will be there singing "Celebrate Me Home", almost as though there are 3 people in the world who like that song and who care that Ruben still has a music, um, I guess you'd call it "career"? Whatever, moving right along. I'm sure all the top 12 will sing a group song a la High School Musical, maybe even some of the top 24 will be there. Jordin Sparks will probably sing assuming her vocal chords are back on par. I'm sure there will be at least 1 non-Idol-alumni performance, possibly Jesse McCartney, since he's the only person I could find who has an album being released next week. I'm sure there will be someone "shocking", someone really famous, but that will probably remain a secret until they grace the stage. Yawn. AI is getting pretty predictable.
It's going to be a close call, but a this point the producers seem to be gunning for a David Cook win, and that's probably what we'll see.
Don't get me wrong, David Cook should win. He's the rightful winner. He's got it all. But really, in the grand scheme of things, would he be better off winning? Or would he be better off losing? I hate seeing someone win AI when they don't deserve it, like Taylor Hicks coming in 1st when Katherine McPhee & Chris Daughtry went home. I know it turned out for the best for Daughtry, but it still pissed me off a bit that Hicks won the popularity contest. If Cook wins, he'll have to make an album of sugar-coated pop songs, which might ruin his credibility altogether. But if he loses, he'll be signed by a record label, wait 18mts as per the Idol contract, then records and releases what will probably be a completely awesome album that he has creative control over. That seems like a better idea to me, but the deal is pretty much sealed now. I'm hoping the Idol thing doesn't mar his image and overshadow his talent.
Anyway, I guess we'll see next week.
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