Snowbird, Schmoebird

(I haven't blogged about reality television in awhile, have I?
This one's for you, Johnny.)


Question One
Anne Murray is:
a - a hit songwriter & vocalist
b - a former shill for "The Bay"
c - a masculin, mediocre, has-been, pants-suit wearing leader of the Canadian Idol Mentoring Gestapo.

If you said "all of the above", you'd be mostly right.
Betcha you didn't remember she was in commercials for The Bay, did ya? Just a bit of trivia.
You're welcome.

As we were watching the contestants' performances on Monday night, my husband commented on how many fantastic Anne Murray songs they had to choose from. For a moment I thought, "he's right, she is quite a hitmaker." Then I came to my senses and realized that he's old and has bad taste and doesn't know what he's talking about.

It doesn't matter, becuase I didn't hear any of them sing an Anne Murray song anyway. I heard The Pride of Port Hood sing a Gordon Lightfoot song (incidentally, about an unfashionable pluz-size clothing store...weird). I heard Earl sing a Fugees jam, and Theo destroyed a Ray Charles classic.


So, what was.......

Huh? What did you say?
What do you mean there's another contestant?
Oh yeah, that guy. He's cute, but too 'S Club 7' and not enough 'Jim Cuddy'.
Moving on.

If Anne Murray was so iconic and gush-worthy, not only would we have all recognized the tunes as Anne Murray tunes, but the Idol people would have devoted the entire show to her work. Instead, they had the four guys withstand her nationally-televised verbal siege against their singing skills, stumble through a song to appease her, and then change the subject entirely. Classic!

But whatever, like it or not, she graced the stage this Tuesday evening. And did she sing one of her famous hits? Nope, she sang a Monkees song. How fitting. Anne Murray week and scarcely an Anne Murray song in sight.

Taking a page out of the middle school choreography handbook, Anne, apparent master of the Grade Seven Shuffle, moved drone-like about the stage, looking one unfortunate hip replacement away from retirement. Though she does have pretty good skin for a 97 year old woman, her gobble-gobble thingy distracted from her alto-rendition of "Daydream Believer". But what's not to like about the catholic-church-choir-ish warbling of a woman who sounds like she's either in the thick of purberty or trying unsuccessfully to dislodge her testicles from someone's steadfast grip.

A few end notes.

I'm glad Earl went home. He made my living room smell like marijuana and stupidity.

I'm surprised Mitch has made it this far. He's talented, but I didn't think he had enough national appeal. I was wrong.

Theo is going to win whether Cape Bretoners like it or not. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's true, and he deserves it. But look on the bright side: within six months you'll be able to catch Mitch playing at Shindigs in Port Hawkesbury for $7.

And lastly, Zack Werner is the biggest loser who has ever appeared on television, even when you count Elizabeth Chiu and Howard Stern. He thinks he's so much funnier and wittier and everything-else-ier than he actually is, and it's obnoxious. The only reason it doesn't bother me much is because I have a husband and family life, and he goes home to his hamster, plays Warcraft on the computer, and cries himself to sleep.

On that note....
FIN