I have to say, I was surprisingly impressed by this year's awards show. Much Music has always had a campy, trying-so-hard-to-be-the-MTV-VMAs-but-just-not-getting-it-right kind of show, but this year was different.
Right off the top, I loved that it wasn't 7 hours long. Most awards shows involve one or two good performances and another few hours of useless filler, but MM got it right: pack it tight with good stuff, and then call it a night.
Also, the whole street being closed down, the block party feel, is very cool.
I'll try to keep this a point-for-point commentary.
First of all, Devon Soltengeek (or whatever his name is) needs to stay the hell out of the tanning booth for a few weeks. Seriously dude, you're somewhere between Posh Spice and George Hamilton.
I loved that the guys from Sum 41 wore New Kids t-shirts. Totally stole my idea, 'cause that's what I would have wore, too. You go, Cone.
Someone should let Dwight Schrute that he's really not that big a star. There were rumours of a bit of a diva attitude during the show, which is really funny. Apparently he wouldn't introduce one act because they weren't popular enough. Are you kidding me? Neither are you! It would have been a perfect fit! He's one of these guys who should just be in character all the time since their real personality is obnoxious and far less enjoyable than their TV persona.
Back to Devon Soltendiek (or whatever his name is) briefly....when he mentioned having a girlfriend I almost fell on the floor. He's straight? Really? I've never seen a straight guy with pants that snug and hair that...well...odd. I always thought he was dating the cute little guyliner-wearing fella from Simple Plan. They'd make a cute couple.
Best red carpet moment: a big, expensive car rolls up and this chick struts out. Is it Bai Ling? Um, no. Who the hell is that? Everyone is cheering for her so she must be someone. Is that Sean Kingston? Oh that's his girlfriend! A complete nobody, yet she's working the red carpet and lapping up the attention like she's Mariah Carey. Love it. Moving along...
Note to the powers that be at MM: Nobody cares about The Hills. The only reason anyone knows who they are is because they're always on Perez Hilton. Get real celebrities next year. And no, Brody Jenner isn't cute. He kind of looks like he doesn't shower.
Jesse MacCartney, on the other hand, is the hotness. He always was, but now I feel better about saying it, since he's of legal age.
Perez looked great! He lost a lot of weight, and his suits were very dapper.
Why has no one pointed out the obvious and uncanny resemblance between the blonde chick from Girlicious and Mandy Moore? That always bothered me. They look so much alike and I've never even heard it mentioned.
Chase Crawford is the prettiest little boy I've seen in years.
Rhianna is an excellent performer, she's sounded good every time I've seen her. She sings live, unlike most others on awards shows, and she kills it every time. But hun, you could have done without those pants. I'm just saying.
Here's an excerpt from "The Robin Antin Girlicious/Pussycat Dolls Dance Manual": stand backwards, look over your shoulder; give your hair a "barely avoiding spinal injury" kind of whip and run your hands up the side of your body; walk in an exaggerated fashion toward the front of the stage while pointing at the crowd; do the Shakira ass-shake thing; aaaaaaaand....repeat.
Let's skip to Hedley. That Hoggard guy...man, can he sing. I think he's fantastic. There's something about him...I was going to say a quiet confidence, but it's anything but quiet. He's very comfortable in his own skin, and that is very attractive (even in denim capris, bare feet, and donning a fuscia fanny pack). Still, you could never convince me he isn't bisexual.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for. You know what I'm talking about - it's the New Kids on the Block.
You can't imagine the weird grade 3 butterflies I had in the 30 seconds before these guys took the stage. Did they sing well? Um, that would be a big "N-O". Were they back in full force? Um, no again. They actually looked bored and embarassed. But no matter! Who cares? They're the friggin' New Kids on the Block!
One of my oldest friends (yes, I'm talking about you, Amy) works at Much Music. Now I can't be certain if she met them, if she was even there, but I know somewhere in Toronto on Sunday night, whether she is willing to admit it or not (which I'm sure she is), Amy was all teeth, and possibly even grooving to "The Right Stuff". I'm hoping she gave Joey MacIntyre a rub for me, but all I can do is hope. I hope you lived it for me, Amy.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
'Tis the Season
Ah, spring.
As soon as the snow melts, I'm reminded of the approaching wedding season. Traditionally, once April ends, the wedding invitations start rolling in. I recently celebrated my second wedding anniversary, and our May long-weekend wedding in 2006 was perfect. No fear of poor attendance due to snow storms, no embarrassment and discomfort from excessive perspiration due to summer humidity.
And again, this spring did not disappoint. Not only did I receive an invitation to the sure-to-be-beautiful wedding of a good friend, but I got some very exciting news in the past few days: my little sister is getting married! Yay! And, also very exciting, she has asked me to stand in the wedding. For most 29-year-olds, this might be cause to groan at the thought of adding yet another hideous taffeta dress to the back of the coat closet for eternity, but not me. Believe it or not, I've never stood in a wedding before, and I'm pumped.
As a bridesmaid, you get to wear a pretty dress and carry flowers, only instead of paying for 200 meals and still going hungry for fear of spilling something on your gown, you get a stress-free, cost-free meal and a night of dancing. Seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.
Since I've been in her shoes and might have a few words of wisdom, I'll be helping plan certain parts of my sister's wedding, as required. Most brides know what they want and won't settle for anything less than what they feel is important. God bless them, every one. Unfortunately, as any post-wedding bride will tell you, what you think will be important often isn't, and the things you overlook can sometimes be the most important things of all.
Take decorations, for example. I wasn't satisfied until I had wrapped thousands of tiny chocolates in delicate foil (the color of which matched the bridesmaid dresses, of course), and had placed these chocolates on each table in little glass bowls filled with perfectly coordinated flower petals. Wrap your brain around the manpower involved in that little detail. A detail which, as should have been expected, fell on blind eyes - people grabbed the chocolates, drove them into their open gob, and threw the foil wrapper over their shoulder without a second thought. Being an excited bride, I put way too much thought and labor into that one project, thinking foolishly that people would pick up the candies and admire the workmanship. Who was I kidding.
So if I may, I'd like to offer a few tips to the ladies who are tirelessly planning their all-important wedding.
First and foremost, don't skimp or make any sacrifices when it comes to your pictures. I know it's expensive, but it's by far the best investment you'll make. Trust me, the day will fly by so fast, you won't even remember it the following afternoon, and all you'll have left are the images to remind you. Make a video if you can. If you can't afford a professional, get one or two reliable friends to take along their camcorder. I watch mine often, to remember the music, the nervous laughter, and the look on the groom's face when I walked down the aisle. (That's my favorite part, and it will probably be yours, too.) The opportunity to look back on that day is truly priceless.
Don't sweat the small stuff. The little details you're worrying so much about will go unnoticed to 99% of the guests, so don't worry if the small glasses of tomato juice clash with the centerpieces; you're the only one who cares. If the ring bearer drops the pillow and starts to cry, big deal; you'll laugh about it the week after. If your curls are falling out on the way to the church, if you can't find your best lipstick, if you got a dot of mascara on your dress, don't burst into tears; as long as your groom shows up, the little things don't matter. Everyone thinks you and your wedding are gorgeous. The people who don't just suck and shouldn't be there anyway.
Further to that, enjoy your day. Laugh with your friends and chat with people you don't see very often. Have a plate of food and a piece of your cake - you likely paid through the nose for it, so you might as well reap the benefits. Kick off your uncomfortable shoes so you can dance the night away. Try to steal a moment alone with the person you just married. Don't let your wedding ruin your Wedding Day. With any luck, you'll only do it once, so have a great time.
Here's to all the brides and grooms, and may you have an awesome wedding.
As soon as the snow melts, I'm reminded of the approaching wedding season. Traditionally, once April ends, the wedding invitations start rolling in. I recently celebrated my second wedding anniversary, and our May long-weekend wedding in 2006 was perfect. No fear of poor attendance due to snow storms, no embarrassment and discomfort from excessive perspiration due to summer humidity.
And again, this spring did not disappoint. Not only did I receive an invitation to the sure-to-be-beautiful wedding of a good friend, but I got some very exciting news in the past few days: my little sister is getting married! Yay! And, also very exciting, she has asked me to stand in the wedding. For most 29-year-olds, this might be cause to groan at the thought of adding yet another hideous taffeta dress to the back of the coat closet for eternity, but not me. Believe it or not, I've never stood in a wedding before, and I'm pumped.
As a bridesmaid, you get to wear a pretty dress and carry flowers, only instead of paying for 200 meals and still going hungry for fear of spilling something on your gown, you get a stress-free, cost-free meal and a night of dancing. Seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.
Since I've been in her shoes and might have a few words of wisdom, I'll be helping plan certain parts of my sister's wedding, as required. Most brides know what they want and won't settle for anything less than what they feel is important. God bless them, every one. Unfortunately, as any post-wedding bride will tell you, what you think will be important often isn't, and the things you overlook can sometimes be the most important things of all.
Take decorations, for example. I wasn't satisfied until I had wrapped thousands of tiny chocolates in delicate foil (the color of which matched the bridesmaid dresses, of course), and had placed these chocolates on each table in little glass bowls filled with perfectly coordinated flower petals. Wrap your brain around the manpower involved in that little detail. A detail which, as should have been expected, fell on blind eyes - people grabbed the chocolates, drove them into their open gob, and threw the foil wrapper over their shoulder without a second thought. Being an excited bride, I put way too much thought and labor into that one project, thinking foolishly that people would pick up the candies and admire the workmanship. Who was I kidding.
So if I may, I'd like to offer a few tips to the ladies who are tirelessly planning their all-important wedding.
First and foremost, don't skimp or make any sacrifices when it comes to your pictures. I know it's expensive, but it's by far the best investment you'll make. Trust me, the day will fly by so fast, you won't even remember it the following afternoon, and all you'll have left are the images to remind you. Make a video if you can. If you can't afford a professional, get one or two reliable friends to take along their camcorder. I watch mine often, to remember the music, the nervous laughter, and the look on the groom's face when I walked down the aisle. (That's my favorite part, and it will probably be yours, too.) The opportunity to look back on that day is truly priceless.
Don't sweat the small stuff. The little details you're worrying so much about will go unnoticed to 99% of the guests, so don't worry if the small glasses of tomato juice clash with the centerpieces; you're the only one who cares. If the ring bearer drops the pillow and starts to cry, big deal; you'll laugh about it the week after. If your curls are falling out on the way to the church, if you can't find your best lipstick, if you got a dot of mascara on your dress, don't burst into tears; as long as your groom shows up, the little things don't matter. Everyone thinks you and your wedding are gorgeous. The people who don't just suck and shouldn't be there anyway.
Further to that, enjoy your day. Laugh with your friends and chat with people you don't see very often. Have a plate of food and a piece of your cake - you likely paid through the nose for it, so you might as well reap the benefits. Kick off your uncomfortable shoes so you can dance the night away. Try to steal a moment alone with the person you just married. Don't let your wedding ruin your Wedding Day. With any luck, you'll only do it once, so have a great time.
Here's to all the brides and grooms, and may you have an awesome wedding.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Other Man
A few weeks ago, I heard Kelly Atchison make a brave admission on The Hawk's Drive at Five. Her unabashed honesty has prompted me to stand up and confess to the same thing.
I have had a relationship with a man named Perez for about a year and a half, and though not many people knew about it at first, I have come to learn that lots of others have become infatuated with him as well. Millions, in fact.
You see, Perez is Perez Hilton. He's a chubby, sometimes-pink-haired, sometimes-green-haired, flamboyant, trouble-making, no-holds-barred gossip-monger. His online blog started about three years ago, and since has become one of the most visited sites on the internet. Literally. I think he averages about seven million hits per day.
That is why I'm no longer ashamed to admit that I take his information as gospel truth, whether I should or not; I'm certainly not the only one who does. He's got moles all over Hollywood, much to the chagrin of the celebrities he blogs about, and a movie star can't make a move, steal a kiss, buy a car, or get arrested, without Perez finding out in minutes and posting it online minutes later.
And not just the things you'll hear about on Access Hollywood later that evening. No, no, I'm talking about the indiscretions most celebrity-types really want to keep private. Things he calls "Not-so-blind" items, like which celebrity was seen canoodling in first class on a flight from New York to Los Angeles with a tennis instructor who looked nothing like her well-known husband. And which recently-rehabbed actor was downing scotch alone in the back of his limo after a night of toting a water bottle for show.
It's things like that which set Perez apart from the mainstream entertainment reports. Of course he'll post a play-by-play of last night's Dancing With the Stars, but he's also got the inside track that Mark Steines would give his firstborn to have. He has reliable spies who are willing to spill, based on guaranteed anonymity, little required corroboration, and absolutely no recourse. When actor A and actress B, who have been denying their relationship for months, take a vacation to remote parts of Utah, the waitress who served them lunch can email Perez and tell her story, without a 6-person camera crew from ET showing up and making her sign an exclusivity contract. Or it could be the cleaner at a high-end Malibu obstetrics clinic who confirms the pregnancy of a popular singer. There really isn't any way of validating the information you read, but it's entertaining nonetheless.
Why it's entertaining is something I can't really explain. It's human nature to gossip, and maybe it's easier to gossip about millionaires you'll never meet, than it is to talk about your neighbors and friends. Maybe you thrive on the misery of others. Maybe you're convinced Justin Timberlake is destined to marry you and you're waiting for news about his break-up with Jessica Biel and scheduled flight to Nova Scotia (hypothetically, of course). Everyone has their own reasons, I guess. I think the biggest one for me is the humanity.
Whether or not you're interested in celebrities, chances are, if you watch any television or read any newspapers, you're inundated with information about them anyway. With expensive publicists and PR firms spinning their every action, the seemingly-charmed lives of stars sometimes make me want to throw up (6 million dollars to work on a bad movie for 4 months? Crazy!). But to hear of a big star getting peed on by a dog at the park, or quietly donating a large sum of money to a food bank, or losing their brother to cancer, makes these people seem more human, and reminds people that, though they may be rich and beautiful, they're just regular folks like us.
So chances are, I'm going to continue my relationship with Perez. Where else will I learn such pertinent information as sales figures for Lindsay Lohan's clothing line, Madonna's marital troubles, and Mischa Barton's latest rehab stint? Oh that's right, on the national news. Claim you haven't uttered the name Britney Spears in the past 18 months, and I'll call you a liar. A great number of you are just as bad as I am, only Kelly and I have the guts to admit it.
Sure, a large portion of the content on Perez's site is salacious and juvenile. It could also be fairly described as a waste of normally-useful brain cells, I suppose. But you can't convince me it's any worse than a few minutes of X-Box 360, an episode of "My Name is Earl", or any Will Farrell movie. We all have our guilty pleasures.
I have had a relationship with a man named Perez for about a year and a half, and though not many people knew about it at first, I have come to learn that lots of others have become infatuated with him as well. Millions, in fact.
You see, Perez is Perez Hilton. He's a chubby, sometimes-pink-haired, sometimes-green-haired, flamboyant, trouble-making, no-holds-barred gossip-monger. His online blog started about three years ago, and since has become one of the most visited sites on the internet. Literally. I think he averages about seven million hits per day.
That is why I'm no longer ashamed to admit that I take his information as gospel truth, whether I should or not; I'm certainly not the only one who does. He's got moles all over Hollywood, much to the chagrin of the celebrities he blogs about, and a movie star can't make a move, steal a kiss, buy a car, or get arrested, without Perez finding out in minutes and posting it online minutes later.
And not just the things you'll hear about on Access Hollywood later that evening. No, no, I'm talking about the indiscretions most celebrity-types really want to keep private. Things he calls "Not-so-blind" items, like which celebrity was seen canoodling in first class on a flight from New York to Los Angeles with a tennis instructor who looked nothing like her well-known husband. And which recently-rehabbed actor was downing scotch alone in the back of his limo after a night of toting a water bottle for show.
It's things like that which set Perez apart from the mainstream entertainment reports. Of course he'll post a play-by-play of last night's Dancing With the Stars, but he's also got the inside track that Mark Steines would give his firstborn to have. He has reliable spies who are willing to spill, based on guaranteed anonymity, little required corroboration, and absolutely no recourse. When actor A and actress B, who have been denying their relationship for months, take a vacation to remote parts of Utah, the waitress who served them lunch can email Perez and tell her story, without a 6-person camera crew from ET showing up and making her sign an exclusivity contract. Or it could be the cleaner at a high-end Malibu obstetrics clinic who confirms the pregnancy of a popular singer. There really isn't any way of validating the information you read, but it's entertaining nonetheless.
Why it's entertaining is something I can't really explain. It's human nature to gossip, and maybe it's easier to gossip about millionaires you'll never meet, than it is to talk about your neighbors and friends. Maybe you thrive on the misery of others. Maybe you're convinced Justin Timberlake is destined to marry you and you're waiting for news about his break-up with Jessica Biel and scheduled flight to Nova Scotia (hypothetically, of course). Everyone has their own reasons, I guess. I think the biggest one for me is the humanity.
Whether or not you're interested in celebrities, chances are, if you watch any television or read any newspapers, you're inundated with information about them anyway. With expensive publicists and PR firms spinning their every action, the seemingly-charmed lives of stars sometimes make me want to throw up (6 million dollars to work on a bad movie for 4 months? Crazy!). But to hear of a big star getting peed on by a dog at the park, or quietly donating a large sum of money to a food bank, or losing their brother to cancer, makes these people seem more human, and reminds people that, though they may be rich and beautiful, they're just regular folks like us.
So chances are, I'm going to continue my relationship with Perez. Where else will I learn such pertinent information as sales figures for Lindsay Lohan's clothing line, Madonna's marital troubles, and Mischa Barton's latest rehab stint? Oh that's right, on the national news. Claim you haven't uttered the name Britney Spears in the past 18 months, and I'll call you a liar. A great number of you are just as bad as I am, only Kelly and I have the guts to admit it.
Sure, a large portion of the content on Perez's site is salacious and juvenile. It could also be fairly described as a waste of normally-useful brain cells, I suppose. But you can't convince me it's any worse than a few minutes of X-Box 360, an episode of "My Name is Earl", or any Will Farrell movie. We all have our guilty pleasures.
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