The Only One Dreading June

In case I haven’t mentioned it before (ha!), I’m in love with American Idol. When most people are praying for a speedy winter and lingering summer, I wait all year for January and the promise of 80s music, cracking under pressure, and Simon Cowell. Some people make fun of me for enjoying such a contrived reality show, but I don’t care; I’ve been a faithful, perhaps even obsessive, viewer since the very beginning, and that isn’t about to change despite a bit of mocking.

That said, I think I’ve earned the right to put in my two cents about the recent goings-on in the American Idol sphere, and since I don’t make it a habit of talking about specific television shows (once a year isn’t overkill, is it?), I’m getting it out of the way now seeing as the premiere was this week. If you watch it, great, I love to talk to other fans about the different dynamics. If you despise it, bear with me while I get a few things off my chest.

First of all, I’m growing very tired of the blooper episodes. While I agree that Idol is as much about crushing dreams as it is about finding talent, I would much rather watch good and less-than-good auditions, rather than have to sit through hours of try-outs that waste everyone’s time with horrible singing that obviously and knowingly will never make the cut.

We get that bad singers who think they’re good can sometimes be funny, but bad singers who KNOW they’re ridiculous make for fruitless auditions and episodes that bore people to death, since the humor of their attempts disappeared many seasons ago. One blooper episode would be enough for me, and at that I might not even watch it. Idol is supposed to be about singing, not intentionally making a complete fool of yourself. (That’s what The Bachelor is for. Snap!).

By far my biggest issue with the show is the toss-up at the judges’ table. As we all know, everyone’s favorite mumbling, incoherent singing expert, Paula Abdul, failed to reach a contract agreement with the show and left for good. This development made me a little sad, not because I was going to miss the pearls of wisdom she’d give the contestants, but because she was both the comic relief and the softy over at the judging table.

When Randy bored me with his robotic evaluation and Simon was unnecessarily harsh, you could always count on Paula to tell the poor, sobbing mess on stage that she looked beautiful. At the very least, she could ease tensions in a heartbeat with one of her slurred diatribes that even Ryan Seacrest couldn’t help but snicker at.
(I haven’t mentioned the other judge, Kara Dio-whatever-her-name-is, because I haven’t yet accepted that she’s a judge on my favorite show. Since her arrival I’ve been in a state of denial that she’s an actual fixture and I keep waiting for the night when she’s just not there anymore. She doesn’t belong.)

To add insult to injury, not only did one of television’s Holy Trinity bite the dust, but TPTB (the powers that be, a common term for the wizards behind the Idol curtain) brought in someone to replace her. Had it been some other washed up pop star I might not have complained as much, but the replacement is Ellen Degeneres.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Ellen as much as the next person. I think she has a fantastic show and does great philanthropic work, and she is even well-versed and knowledgeable about American Idol. I just can’t imagine what she’ll be like as a judge. While Paula’s “funny” was unintentional and spontaneous, I’m not sure there’s room for Ellen’s stand-up routine on the judges panel.

This is a show that people take somewhat seriously (well, at least some people), and we don’t want it turned into Yuk Yuk’s with karaoke. I’m hoping she proves me wrong and turns out to be a compliment to the whole production, but I foresee some really bad jokes, uncomfortable laughter, and a whole lot of eye-rolling from Simon’s chair.

Lastly, a bit of breaking news: this will be Simon’s last year on American Idol. He will be announcing his departure at the end of the season in favor of bringing his British show, The X Factor, to American television. And the kicker? Rumor has it that Paula Abdul will be judging along side of him. Chances are, I’ll be going where the talent is and leaving Randy and Ellen to enjoy the end of an era.

Until then, you can find me in front of the television Tuesday and Wednesday nights, dreading June.