Wednesday's Reality TV

WTF is going on with this Big Brother schedule? It's hard enough for me to toggle back and forth between BB & AI on Tuesdays, but now BB is on Wednesdays too? I probably shouldn't complain after this dry & horrible winter TV season, but it gets on my nerves. I'm going to need to get a TiVo.

Anyway, I did my best and here's what I came up with.

None of the characters from BB have done much over the past 24 hours to change my original impressions, but there were a few interesting developments.

That last remaining gay guy (well, the last OPENLY gay guy) threw a pretty impressive hissy fit, which at least brought his existence to the attention of viewers. Still, his comment about Amanda's father was pretty dirty, and I'm surprised she didn't drown him in the hot tub. I would have. And plus, she could easily take him. For all her booty shorts and bikinis and high-pitched Disney voices, I truly think she's a man in drag.
And the one with the made up name and the Posh-Spice haircut? I'm sorry, but she looks like she should be in porn. God love her, maybe she's as sweet and innocent as can be, but she just has that dirty look to her. The "Girls Gone Wild" look.
Surprise of the night: watching Ryan chop off his own balls and hand them to Jen. It was glaringly obvious that she threw him under the bus, and it was equally obvious that he knew it, but he chose to let his pecker decide and forgive her anyway. Silly, silly boy. In related news, the highlight of the night was watching Jen leave. Mind you, I wouldn't be surprised to see Ryan start making it with Allison, and have Jen come stampeding up and kick in the door to the Big Brother house as soon as she gets wind of it.

On to American Idol.

The girls weren't nearly as good as the guys. It's going to be harder to nail down a top 6 since all of the performances, with the exception of 1 or 2, were just "so so". I'm sure over the next week, my predictions will change somewhat.

Amanda (the rough biker chick)
Same same same. Waaaaaaaay too Janis Joplin. She could sing "My Heart Will Go On" and it's going to sound like a scream fest. Yuk. She's beyond inappropriate for this show. And still, because Americans are...well, Americans, she'll be in the top 12 anyway. Ridiculous.

Alexandrea (the skinny black girl who wore the suspenders)
I thought she was really good, but the judges seemed to think she fell short. And her name is very guest-on-Rikki-Lake-ish. SHe has a chance at the top 12, but I won't guarantee her a spot.

Amy (the one hard to describe since she's so ordinary...she sang "Where the Boys Are)
I can't even believe she's in the top 24 based on her performance last night. Horrible. See ya later hun.

Alaina (the really young blonde)
I think she has an awesome voice, but it's hard to stand out with that much blonde hair in the crowd. She stands a chance at the top 12, but she'll have to do something next week and the week after to make herself seem unique and outstanding.

Asia'h (the one who's father died two days before her audition)
Ok, I feel bad for her as far as her father goes and she does have a good voice. But is the apostrophy "H" really necessary???????? No first name should have an apostrophy. Ever. God. Possibly in the top 12, but I'm not sure yet.

Brooke (the flower child with the fluffy blonde hair)
Blah blah blah. She's not as good as she thinks she is.

Carly (the Irish chick with the black hair)
I think she's going to win the whole thing! What an awesome voice. Top 12 shoe-in.

Joanne (the big black girl)
She's pretty alright, but is she really pretty enough to have been a plus-sized model? I'm not sure. Anyway, last night she sucked, but I think she'll get better.

Kady (the one who does the Britney Spears impression)
Man, this girl sings Britney better than Britney does! It's amazing! But when she's not doing impressions, I think she has a fantastic voice. Definitely top 12.

Kristy Lee (the country-ish blonde...last night she was first)
Booooo. Her voice is a little too twangy for my taste, but she is generally better than she was last night. I'm hoping it was that infamous "flu" that made everyone suck. Anyway, I'm sure she'll be top 12 as well.

Ramiele (the weird asian one)
Ok voice, but I don't like her as much as Simon seems to (maybe he wants to bag her, that's usually the reason he gushes over mediocre performers). Whatever, after what he said about her, she'll be top 12 too.

Syesha (the black girl with the large hair)
Pretty good voice, but yawn.

So there it is. 5 of the 6 spots in this year's top 12 are more or less spoken for, and the last one could go to whichever of the three steps up their game. Going home this week will be Amy & another, I'm not sure which.

Until next time homies.

Tuesday's Reality TV

It's almost too much for me to handle. Big Brother, a 2-hour American Idol, AND US Primaries, all in the same night? I thought I'd never get to bed.

First, Big Brother.

Ok, how much would I love to see Jen run over by a large piece of farm equipment? She tries to be this big hard ass..."now I have to bring it, it's on baby, no more fooling around, I have to show them who's boss"...ya right, who are you trying to kid? Every time someone looks at you the wrong way, you're curled up in the fetal position and bawling your eyes out. It's too late to be a tough guy after you've cried over a situation for a hour. Let it go. Move on. Go home. I don't like you.
Your boyfriend, on the other hand.....
Ryan is cute, but useless. And his partner is a bitch. Pretending to be a lesbian with the old broad probably wasn't the greatest idea you've ever had, dear. Lame.

Amanda's partner is acting a bit too possessive, considering he's not her boyfriend... or father. Get over it, buddy...she obviously likes that abrasive and confrontational papparazzi guy.

Everyone else is a huge yawn. I hope it gets better.

On to American Idol....

Last night was the guys, and while this is probably the best group of singers in a few seasons, it's also the most plentiful pack of males who possess Clay Aitken-calibre "gay face". Seriously, those of you with a well-honed gay-dar, are ya feelin' me?

Anyway, here's the rundown.

Chikezie (the chubby black guy in orange)
Chikezie...man...lose the zoot suit. Tacky. And too Marvin Gaye for everyone...what are you, like, 50?

Colton (the guy who says he looks like Ellen Degeneres...wtf??)
Colton who? Whatever, and your shirt was too small for you, pal.

Danny (the feminine dude with the tapered low-riders and slim tie)
Meh.

David A.(the cute, modest little 16-yr-old)
Um, hello? Could you be any cuter? I think he's going to be in the top 3, what an amazing voice. Definitely top 12.

David C. (the guy who tries to sound like Chris Daughtry)
Good performance, but dude, what's with the hair? It looks like you just got off the tilt-a-whirl. You need a stylist, and fast. Hurry! You'll be in the top 12 soon!

David H. (the Mexican-looking guy)
Yawn. OK voice, but still yawn.

Garrett (the Kalan Porter look alike)
Again, Ok voice, but a big snooze fest. Top it all with the fact that he obviously enjoys his weed. Do you think he knew where he was at?

Jason Y. (the pretty boy with the son in the audience)
Crappy song choice, but he's too good looking, there's no way he'll be voted off yet. Best example of gay face. Get used to it, he'll be in the top 12.

Jason C. (buddy with the dreadlocks)
My god dreadlocks are dirty and disgusting. He's got nice eyes, nice skin, nice teeth, a nice smile, a beautiful voice....and then these big Medusa-looking piles of dead, matted hair hanging off his skalp. Gross! I vote for a Jason Castro makeover, stat. Top 12 for sure.

Luke (the guy who looks like Dylan from Beverly Hills 90210)
Snore snore snore. See ya later, Dylan McKay.

Robbie (the former pop-tart boybander, now turned badass...*snicker*)
You didn't convince me. Good voice, but let's just all go back to the comfort zone and start pumping out a few 98 Degrees tunes, shall we? You know you want to. It doesn't matter how long you abstain from showering, even your do-rag can't erase the fact that you opened for Britney Spears. Yet probably top 12 anyway.

Michael (the Australian)
Delicious. A trip to the orthodontist wouldn't kill him, but he's got the rest of the package. Good voice, plenty of style, good looks, thank you, goodnight. Shoe-in for top 12.


One last note....Barack rules. I might even change my name to Gina MacDonald-Obama. Hillary's going down (and not in a good way).

Stay tuned tomorrow, I'll run down the AI girls.

Big Brother....The Beginning

OK, a short BB blog. (Who am I kidding, is anything I write ever short?)

I originally thought the couples thing was going to be stupid. It's not really fair to get evicted based on your partner's actions (as that girl saw last night). But also, it's almost like there's only 8 people in the house, since they'll be evicted in twos. The most obvious difference between this show and other seasons of BB, is that they didn't take looks into consideration. At least it doesn't seem like they did. Quite a hard looking group of contestants, for the most part.
Anyway....

Sharon & Jacob (the ones who got evicted last night)
Jacob had a big mouth, and he reminded me a lot of Trevor Boudreau looks-wise. Sharon was understandably bitter, both before and after the eviction, and I think she had a huge disadvantage by being paired up with someone who's mere presence in the house made her vulnerable. Useless #1 and useless #2. See ya later.

Alex & Amanda (aka, cute guy & "good body" girl)
He's really cute. She's got the "best body" (?Really?), but I could easily have been convinced she was a drag queen. Whatever, boring vibes from these two. Too much grab-ass, not enough conflict.

Allison & Ryan (aka, Jen's secret boyfriend & his not-at-all-notable partner)
Interesting that they actually put a few big-boned, chunky guys in the show, since it's usually just metrosexual pretty boys. I think Ryan is my favorite. Too bad his girlfriend had to open her big yap and tell about their relationship, that should have been kept a secret. But it was pretty funny how Allison was so visibly disappointed that Ryan was spoken for. She reacted as though she expected a bit of nookie with him during her stay in the house.

James & Chelsia (aka, the bicycle guy & the chick with the Posh Spice haircut)
Boooooring. Nothing to say. Except I am automatically annoyed by a girl who has a made-up name. Chelsia. Ridiculous.

Matt & Natalie (aka, obnoxious Boston guy & girl with big boobs)
Matt drove me up the wall right from his introduction. He's going to be my most hated contestant. And Natalie...well, she does have big boobs, doesn't she. At least she was smart enough to enhance them for the first house meet & greet. Made an otherwise forgettable girl very memorable, at least to the guys.

Joshuah & Neil (aka, the gay guys)
Why am I not surprised, the best looking guys in the house like each other. Life isn't fair sometimes. Still, these guys haven't stood out at all, at least not yet. I have high-ish hopes.

Adam & Sheila (aka, the ugly ogre & the old lady)
Let me be the first to say it: Adam is the ugliest man in reality TV history. His personality makes it even worse, but even on their own, his looks are almost enough to warrant dislike. I can't even look at the screen when he's on, he just repulses me. Also, he reminds me of a guy I went to school with (11th Loyola readers, I think you know who I'm talking about), which adds to my disgust. I thought Sheila was a victim of circumstance, but she got on my nerves last night, too. I think they need to go home.

Parker & Jen (aka, the black guy & the perky blonde)
I don't know, am I the only one who's bored? Or is it just too early? I thought there might be some potential in the fact that Jen & Ryan's jealousy could make things fun to watch, but they had to open their big mouths and spill the beans already, which ruins everything. And Parker seems a bit too sensitive. Of course people are going to call you names and talk behind your back, it's Big Brother! Waking everybody up in the middle of the night to find out who called you a snake? Friggin' drama queen.

It all makes me miss Janelle and Will. Even Jen & Dick. How sad.

Until next week. But only if things get more interesting.

Anger, Sorrow & Perspective

Last week, on an Indian Reserve in Saskatchewan, during a bitter cold spell in the West, two little girls were killed. I say they were killed, not just that they died, because their parents caused their death. Their Mom and Dad had argued that evening and the mother left the two toddlers alone with their drunk father. The father was so intoxicated that he took the girls outside in diapers and t-shirts, somehow dropped them in a field, and forgot all about them. The temperature outside was nearing -50. When the father was being treated at the hospital hours later, he asked where his kids were, and only then were authorities alerted to the horrible events of the night before and the tragic consequences of his actions. The little girls were 1 and 3 years old.
As you might imagine, I could go on for hours about this tragedy. But I won't even start on the gross negligence of people who expose their young children to an environment filled with drugs and alcohol. Or the irresponsibility of a mother who leaves her kids with someone too drunk to care for himself, let alone two babies in diapers. Or a father who would take his kids from their beds at night to roam the streets, drunk, in frigid temperatures. And I won't even begin to go off on someone who would drop their babies in the snow and walk away. Who forgets about them for hours, as they perish in the middle of a field. Nor will I comment on a community so accustomed to abhorrent behavior and substance abuse that these parents were allowed to engage in this kind of activity, at their children's peril, without any intervention. Where this tragedy is not only accepted, but tolerated, and even justified. "It's not his fault, he has a drinking problem. He's very sorry." Couldn't I just snap when I hear that. That excuse would never fly with Children's Aid here in town, nor with the people who live in Port Hawkesbury, or in any other responsible community in the civilized Western world. No, I won't write an article about the parents or the community. My blood is boiling, and once I start ranting, I won't be able to stop. God knows I've lost enough sleep over it already.
Life is unfair when people lacking the character and heart to care for children, are blessed with that privilege and then abuse it. There are people in this world who would have cherished and protected those two little girls, some of which have, through no fault of their own, lost the opportunity to do the same for their own children. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. When I think about families like that of Karissa Boudreau, the little girl who disappeared in Bridgewater, and all the other people who have lost their own children, it breaks my heart. And then I hear about selfish people who throw it all away? It disgusts and infuriates me.
My kids are noisy and hyper and can be, quite frankly, extremely annoying. I've told them countless times to be more quiet, to stop running. My grandmother always says, "Let them run. If they couldn't move or speak, you'd wish they would." Never before has that wisdom hit home more than this past week. I'll keep the newspaper clipping of the story of those two little Saskatchewan girls on my fridge, to remind us every time we get frustrated, how lost we'd be without that same noise and chaos we complain about.
It can be difficult to see your children's beauty as they're swinging from the light fixtures and dumping boxes of Froot Loops on the living room rug. But let us all have the presence of mind to provide the protection and care that every child deserves, even when life challenges us. Let us all ensure the safety of the kids around us and make changes where necessary, even if it means sticking your nose where you otherwise wouldn't. As parents, let us remember that kids are the light in our lives. And when it gets tough, remember those mothers and fathers who would do anything to hear that yelling and thumping.
"Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone...."

Dear Britney

Dear Britney,

Apparently you haven't been keeping up with your correspondence. I wrote to you months ago, but I'll assume, given you had "other things" to do, that you didn't get a chance to read it. Allow me to try again.

It's a shame someone like me has to write this letter, but you're in desperate need of an outside intervention.
Though your music was never really my cup of tea, there was no denying that you were an excellent performer with many talents. Vocal talent? Er, maybe not so much. But so what if you could be the poster girl for pitch correction software? Your trademark lip-syncing techniques, blush-inducing dance moves, and million dollar porcelain veneers, more than made up for the weaknesses in your voice. You might have been the most iconic and famous young girl in the world, and I was rooting for you.
I guess there is truth to the old adage, "nowhere to go but down".
With a huge, savvy public relations machine to shield and spin your various indiscretions, your early slip-ups were cited as "typical young Hollywood". Unfortunately, the speeches doled out by your "people" didn't hold much water as your wild behavior escalated. How you managed to get tangled up with Kevin Federline I'll never quite understand, but next thing I knew, you were buying small dogs together, racing to the alter, and popping out babies like they were going out of style. And still I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
And then came the Fed-Ex fiasco. At the beginning of your relationship, no one would have predicted that Kevin was the stable one, but it didn't take long after your separation for the truth to come out. Within a few weeks of being single, you embraced the partying lifestyle with more enthusiasm than Robert Downey, Jr. By rights, you should still be hungover. To list all your bad behavior would result in a bad case of carpal-tunnel, but let's recap a bit, shall we? Emerging "commando" from a car in full view of the world media, shaving your head, attacking photographers with everything from umbrellas to new Mercedes, binge drinking, half-hearted attempts at rehab in a number of different facilities, bare-footed excursions to gas station bathrooms all over Malibu, missing important court-ordered proceedings, that disastrous VMA "comeback" performance, the newly-acquired British accent, need I continue? On and on it went, until your everyday antics left Mary Hart and Billy Bush foaming at the mouth in anticipation of your next adventure. I just assumed someone would intervene eventually; this very public psychotic break was becoming difficult to watch, especially now that Child Services was breathing down your neck. Surely someone will step in and shake the stupid out of this girl, I thought.
I was wrong.
Britney, you lost custody of your kids. You lost custody of your kids for goodness sake! Let that marinade for a few minutes. Has it sunk in? At all? Your last episode resulted in an internationally televised police showdown, custody dispute, and hospitalization. In recent days, you've had numerous mental breakdowns, all captured by the watchful eye of the paparazzi. Don't you think this has gone far enough? Your antics point to either mind-numbing stupidity, or severe addiction and mental illness. I surmise the latter. For that reason, I suppose it's pointless to try to reason with you at this point.
However, someone has to do something. Dr. Phil was too busy flushing all his rapidly-diminishing credibility down the toilet to actually be of assistance to you. Your mother should have taken you by those nasty extensions and dragged your behind out of the spotlight and back to the Louisiana bayou, but she's too busy selling the story of your 16-year-old sister's recent pregnancy and waiting by the mailbox for her "Mother of the Year" award. The judge in your custody case could have issued an order for the paparazzi to stay away from you and your kids. And with all the assorted "boyfriends", "managers", "assistants", and "cousins", someone from your camp should have sought help for you long before you reached this tragic state. You might never be able to recapture your former glory, but at least with some help, you could overcome your addictions, balance your meds, and possibly be able to see your kids again someday.
You have reached a point where even the tabloids and those who thrive on your misery, aren't interested in making light of your situation anymore. To most of the public, unless you're dead or cured, it's just more of the same. Now is the time to get your act together and get some serious help. Suck it up and admit yourself into a reputable rehab center or psychiatric facility, a strict one. Who knows, a nice long stay in the country, free of photographers and chaos, might be just what the doctor ordered. Feel free to drop by anytime (for a modest fee, of course), as I doubt I'll hear any objections from those living in this house, without mentioning any names.
We're all pulling for you Britney,

Signed,
Gina & everyone I know

Part Two - The Blue Donkeys

Since my last column, Huckabee has almost run out of cash, the guy from Law & Order dropped out of the race, Romney is losing what little steam he had, Rudy isn't doing nearly as well in Florida as was expected (sorry, Duane), and John McCain has somehow become the Republican front runner. And so it goes.
I give you, the Democrats.

John Edwards
Let's just get him out of the way, shall we? I still haven't figured out how, but a monumental bore has managed to find himself in a close and respectable third place among the Democrats. Maybe his stolen Bill Clinton thumb gesture is what puts me off about this guy, but it doesn't really make a difference either way, since it's a two-person race on the Democratic side. Still, it will be interesting, when he doesn't win the party nomination, to see which candidate will get his run-off votes.

Hillary Clinton
I believe women are just as smart as men, and that we are just as capable of analyzing, strategizing, and problem solving. I think a woman could be President, but I do not think a woman SHOULD be President, least of all Hillary Clinton. The President's image is detrimental to America's reputation, and in a world where women aren't yet globally accepted as equals, having a female stand as the figurehead for "The Most Powerful Country in the World" is not going to do much to restore their ever-shrinking credibility. Now, before all you feminists start burning the "Traitor Gina" flag, I'm not saying she's any less capable than her male counterparts (well, most of them, anyway). But, in my opinion, women who are in powerful positions like Hillary shouldn't waste their time defending their gender and fighting critics who don't want them to have the glory. She could easily run the country in the background, perhaps as Vice President, let a man take the credit, but still make sure things are handled "her way" (gee, sounds like a marriage).
Another thing, do Americans want a leader who gets choked up when asked about the pressures of running a campaign? I doubt it. Whether her tears were strategic or genuine, a President should be able to keep his/her emotions in check. Composure is key, and I think Hillary has the gender disadvantage on this one.
Add to this her image and likability issues, and things get even worse. Whether it's her wooden demeanor or those ill-fitting pantsuits, she isn't appealing to female voters to the same extent as was expected. I can't really explain the reason for my distaste, except that it's a girl thing. She's like the rich soccer mom who smiles at the rest of us, then goes home and makes fun of our shoes and then fires her maid for not using the right fabric softener. There's just something very insincere about her.
And let's not forget - electing Hillary would mean letting the "First Gentleman" roam around the Oval Office again, and you saw how that worked out last time.

Barack Obama
Like a beacon of light, Obama is drawing people into his vision for a better America. He has a presence that makes him very Presidential. His speech, the way he greets and receives people, his body language, all speak to a natural leadership quality and likability, factors which should not be underestimated in this election. Americans are looking for "The Candidate of Change", and Obama wisely made that his mantra from the beginning. He is seen as the new Messiah of politics, a man with a vision of a better country, and voters are lapping it up, Oprah or no Oprah. His image is helped by his humble beginnings and his admissions of youthful stupidity, so he doesn't come off as pretentious. His attitude is hopeful, and his focus is on a happy ending for everyone. It all sounds a little too good to be true, but even the smear campaigns brought about by his rivals, aren't doing much to stop the Obama train from chugging swiftly down the track to a November victory. Voters nationwide are craving and demanding change, and it doesn't matter which color skin actually delivers this change, contrary to some assumptions. There is a lot to be said about a man whose concession speech in New Hampshire was more inspiring and much better received than the winner's victory speech. Hopefully he'll be able to keep the momentum going and come out on top, as he'd beat any Republican at this point. Who knows, maybe he'll even ask that Hillary chick to be his running mate.

Who's going to win? I'd bet on a Democrat over a Republican, and it will probably be Hillary Clinton, much to my disappointment. Now that I have that out of my system, you won't hear me talk about the election again, I promise. Adam Cooke does a better job of politics anyway.

Part One: The Red Elephants

One particular member of my household is irritated by my interest in U.S. politics, and refuses to accept that this year's election results will have any effect on my life here in Port Hawkesbury. Still, his complaining hasn't stopped me from embracing my inner geek and tuning in to CNN on a regular basis (yes, even more than usual) to follow the action. So, for those of you who don't care who wins, or who don't even know who's running, think of this as a briefing of the next three years of Saturday Night Live. I'll start Part One with a look at the Republicans.
The Republican race truly is wide open. Huckabee surprised everyone with a win in Iowa, McCain came out on top in New Hampshire, Romney took Michigan, and we haven't even reached Super Tuesday yet. Though I don't think a Republican will win the Presidency, it's fun watching them try, isn't it? Here are a few names you might recognize.

John McCain
Ah, the patriot. Not a huge departure from George W., at least in terms of "good ol' boy" attitudes and ideals. Left to Mr. McCain, an America full of gun-toting cowboys might be led to war forever and ever, Amen. I think he could make a significant contribution as Defense Secretary or Advisor to the President as to how to successfully end the war in Iraq, but at this juncture, I don't think voters are ever going to elect a relatively pro-Iraq-war candidate, who is one of the only contenders who won't commit to a timeframe for pulling troops out of the Middle East. Sorry, John. Maybe next time. (If you don't die of old age in the meantime.)


Fred Thompson
A notable name only because he's a recognizable face, this guy isn't so much a contender as he is a figure to lighten up the debates and the news coverage. You know him as Arthur Branch, the gruff District Attorney from Law & Order. His attempt to "pull a Ronald Regan" will be unsuccessful if the early primary results are any indication. A few appearances on Jay Leno won't be enough to usher him into the White House; these are tough times, and voters are looking for substance over style.
(*NOTE* - This joker decided, wisely, to drop out of the race yesterday, but I thought I'd mention him anyway)


Rudy Giuliani
I have a friend who is absolutely certain that Mr. 9/11 will be the next President, but I will be first in line to say "I told you so" in November. Giuliani's biggest mistake was waiting until the Florida primary to make any kind of effort, and letting the early momentum pass him by. Since the Republican field is so wide open, a late surge in popularity might give him a small chance at the nomination, but since a Democrat is going to win the election anyway, Giuliani is obsolete. Deliciously blunt, unconventional, and scandalous as far as potential Presidents go, but obsolete just the same.

Mitt Romney
This guy actually used to be a Democrat not so long ago, and I think his "180" is confusing a great many voters. After all, how can you be truly committed to and experienced with a certain set of morals and beliefs, if you held and practiced a completely different set for most of your life? I find it to be very wishy-washy politics, and I'm not alone. You also have to take image into consideration. "Mitt" seems like a highly appropriate name, since his face looks alarmingly like a brown, waxy catcher's mitt, likely as a result of overtanning. His uncanny resemblance to the original "Ken" doll, combined with his perceived phoniness and meager likability, will ensure that this Presidency can not be purchased by the Republican candidate who has raised the most money for his campaign.

Mike Huckabee
Huckabee plays the part of the chubby, goofy, likable candidate. Former pastor, family man, respected politician, isn't it all just bunny rabbits and rainbows with this guy. He may have been my favorite Republican, if not for the incriminating evidence I uncovered. You'll find, on YouTube, clips of a show called "Talking to Americans", on which Rick Mercer convinces people of ridiculous, untrue Canadian facts, to demonstrate how little they know about us up here. Imagine my surprise to see a 2002 clip of none other than Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, congratulating Canada on finally building a dome to protect our National Parliamentary Igloo from global warming. I'm not joking, and neither was he. Mercer told him that our Capitol building was actually made of ice, and he went along with it, as if it were a well-known fact the world over. Would you trust matters of foreign policy and international relations to someone who thinks Canadians pass laws in an igloo? It astounds me that this clip hasn't been uncovered and thrown in his face by another candidate, because if it was, I'm sure he would withdraw and head back to Arkansas with his tail between his legs.

And that's how I see the Republican party. Stay tuned for next week's Part Two, where I run down the Democrats.